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Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Confessions of a Pussy Grabber

Angry Pussy

Angry Pussy

I tell you, there’s one thing I love, and it’s a good old-fashioned surprise grab on the pussy. Especially by creepy old dudes. I’ll be walking down the street and wham, an old fella has gone for the downstairs shake, or bottom five… and I’m like, ‘Hey, grandpa… are you cashed up? Because only rich men can grab my pussy uninvited. That’s five-star pussy down there. It’s not a soup kitchen.’

We girls have standards. Poor and financially challenged men may attempt the pussy grab; however, they will be charged with sexual assault. And they will go to jail. But rich blokes like Mr Trump – well, they can grab me in a sexually inappropriate manner any time they want. Of course they should be able to. They’re rich and privileged. What is the point of being rich and privileged if you can’t just reach out and grab pussy?

Like it was a box of tissues. Or a bowl of breath mints. Or a third-world country. Isn’t that what they sold their souls for in the first place? That’s their right. To usurp the rights of others. That’s how capitalism works in the free world.

And it’s how rich pricks get to be rich pricks. They take stuff that doesn’t belong to them because the world tells them that their wealth gives them ownership. And we let them. The rules and ethics that apply to everyone else don’t apply to them. They know that. We know that. But we’ve had to learn the hard way.

When some silly girl who didn’t realise her pussy was a rich bloke’s free-for-all goes for some sort of charge, let’s say a sexual assault charge, we all know how that will turn out. She’ll lose. She’ll be all outraged and embarrassed when rich prick’s fancy lawyer tells the court that her pussy actually grabbed his hand. The labias reached out like triffids and pulled his sad little stubby-fingered hand into its desperate lair. That’s money-grabbing pussy. She’ll be accused of being a gold digger.

Pussy is for rich pricks. Thanks to Donald I’ve finally worked it out. That’s why we grow them between our legs, girls. We are pussy farms. Unfortunately each pussy farm only grows one pussy at a time. That’s pretty low productivity but, fortunately for rich pricks like Donald, there’s a pussy farmer around every corner, all juicy and ripe just waiting to be harvested.

When should you grab a woman on the pussy? According to Mr Trump, basically whenever you feel like it. Here are some situations where she’s just asking for it. When she’s lining up at the bank – pussy grab. When her hands are full of groceries and she’s trying to find the keys to open the boot – pussy grab. When she’s a high-powered business executive trying to explain a complex concept to you – grab her by the pussy.

When she’s a scientist who has discovered a cure for cancer and is about to receive a Nobel prize. Grab her by the pussy. When she’s a world leader about to address the United Nations. Grab her by the pussy. When she’s a nun who’s dedicated her life to selfless devotion meeting the needs of others and is about to get beatified. Grab her by the pussy. When she’s pushing out a baby. Grab her by the pussy. When she’s been hit by a car and lies dying on the roadside. Grab her by the pussy.

Honestly, this man is running for the highest office in America and he’s on record admitting to what amounts to criminal behaviour. He’s a sexual predator. Clearly in his workplace, sexual harassment is common. How can you provide a safe workplace when this is the attitude of your boss?

Perhaps that’s how he’s going to win the debate against Hillary, a woman with higher intelligence, greater political savvy and more credibility than he has. He’ll just walk right up and grab her by the pussy. ‘Debate this, bitch.’

Besides the rather unrealistic option of installing vagina dentates (vaginal teeth), there’s only one option for Trump. Peach grabbers should be impeached.


6 responses to “Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Confessions of a Pussy Grabber”

  1. Kirsten Bindoff says:

    Yes, yes and yes. Go Mandy!!

  2. Kate Veitch says:

    Mandy Nolan. GENIUS.

  3. Geoffrey says:

    Just think of how much pussy (grabbing) he’ll have access to once he’s the “leader of the free world”, unless of course his wife gets into some serious nut grabbing (on him), which is usually a good deterrent to his kind of behaviour.

  4. Winsome Lane says:

    I love the expression on the face of the cat. Watch out Trump!

  5. Annie beestrong says:

    Love your work Mandy. I think you are an amazing, strong, thoughtful, caring, incredible funny woman! Best wishes always.

  6. me says:

    A Purrfect response Mandy!

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