February , Byron Shire EchoArticlesValentines Day whats love got to do with itJann Gilbert According to Wikipedia,
valentines day
has it origins in the February fertility rites of ancient Graeco-Roman cultures. In Ancient Rome, February was Lupercalia, an archaic rite sans romantic overtones. Now those were the days As Plutarch observed, At this time many of the noble youths and the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy. Lupercalia is derived from lupus or wolf, and the holiday is believed to be associated with the legendary wolf that suckled Romulus and Remus, the founders of the city of Rome. Lupercalia was a local festival while the more general festival of February, meaning Juno the purier or the chaste Juno, was celebrated on February -. Pope Gelasius I -, head of those original pagan party poopers, the Catholics, is credited with abolishing Lupercalia although ironically enough, up until , the Catholic Church formally recognised Valentines Days in memory of the early Christian martyr who bore the name. Fast-forward to when the notoriously bawdy English poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, is believed to have created the earliest link between Valentines Day and romantic or courtly love in his poem, Parlement of Foules. The poem was written in honor of the rst anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to pages of tabloids are lled with bad poetry and overlysentimental stories instead of the usual rape, pillage, plunder and sport. Romanticism, which underlies many of our modern notions of love, is described by the Oxford Anthology of English Literature as a health-restoring revival of the instinctual life, in contradiction to the th Century restraints that sought to sublimate the instincts in the united names of reason and society Romantic love, the legacy of which torments us all, could not solve the dilemma of the self and the other, any more than romantic vision could heal the dumbfoundering abyss between the subject and the object. Put simply, a bit of romance is ne but it wont satisfy our deepest desires for love no matter how many gifts, owers, chocolates or dinners, and it can never live up to our expectations. As early th Century child psychiatry pioneer, Melanie Klein, says, To be genuinely considerate implies that we can put ourselves in the place of other people we identify ourselves with them. This capacity is a most important element in human relationships in general, and is also a condition for real and strong feelings of love A satisfactory and stable love relationship implies a deep attachment, a capacity for mutual sacrice, and a sharing in grief as well as pleasure, in interests as well as in sexual enjoyment. Unfortunately the gulf between our intentions and expectations of a relationship and the realities that it presents indicates how far removed from consciousness most forays into relationships tend to be. Instead of the pot of gold many imagine, its disillusionment and disappointment instead. This Valentines Day, with the soul rather than the sentimental substance of Valentines Day in mind, instead of lining the already bulging pockets of retail and media moguls you could contemplate something that spreads a little love, like buying a child sponsorship or donating to an aid program, cooking a dinner or giving a massage, talking, listening, re-enacting ancient fertility rites the possibilities are limited only by imagination. Women could even ditch the princess routine and take advantage of the one-infour-year opportunity to do the asking themselves. If none of these particular expressions of love appeal to you or your beloved maybe you could consider buying a copy of Hes just not that into you for Valentines Day great for blokes as well and avoid wasting any more time or money pursuing an elusive fantasy. After all, to paraphrase Rodolphes lines in Madame Bovary, this face that haunts me, drugs me these hands that were designed for a thousand pleasures these lips were they meant to speak of love or shopping listsAnne of Bohemia. Being only and respectively at the time, the powers-thatbe stopped short of marrying them off immediately. Less than years later, in one of historys more quirky moments, a High Court of Love was established in Paris where else on Valentines Day in . As an overall concept perhaps the contemporary judicial system could learn something from this model. Adopting the language of the law for rituals of courtly love, the court dealt with love contracts, betrayals, and violence against women. Judges were selected by women on the basis of a poetry reading. In contrast to the rich and often amusing history of Valentines Day, modern consumerist culture has turned a once-ancient fertility rite with not a red rose to be seen into an orgy of overindulgent sentiment and spending. The US Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion Valentines Day cards are sent worldwide each year, making it the second largest card-sending day of the year behind Christmas. In addition, the Association esti-mates that women purchase approximately of all Valentines Day cards. Unfortunately the Australian Greeting Card Association doesnt have any comparable statistics. For orists its the busiest week of the year, surpassing even Mothers Day, and chocolateers experience a similar rush with more boxed chocolates sold than at Easter or Mothers Day. And just try getting a table at a restaurant Those sorts of statistics would tend to indicate that, as a culture, we embrace the idea of love. However with around - of marriages ending in divorce, domestic violence and child abuse statistics that wed consider outrageous in another culture, and a plethora of ills resulting from our take on love, it seems that while we quite like the notion, when it comes to depth theres a lot of murky water. Almost every self-help book about love will tell you that as humans, and particularly as women remember all those greeting cards, were inclined to mistake ideas of romance for love. We have a general expectation that the right partner or the fairytale wed-ding and family will somehow guarantee eternal happiness and security. Shallow substitutes, like mistaking sex for intimacy or believing a gift of some kind can represent love, ultimately dont appear to provide much satisfaction for anyone, particularly not for the long haul ergo the divorce stats above. Jung, in his essay Marriage as a Psychological Relationship notes that one of the most basic problems in relationships is unconsciousness on the part of the people involved. One person presupposes in the other a psychological structure similar to his own. In effect and with the help of advertising, television, literature and lm we create a fantasy about what love is and the methods for its delivery, which could go some way to explaining why for one day out of theCrime pays when you write itCrime writing is the current darling of the publishers and the next writing workshop for the Northern Rivers Writers Centre will put this hot-ticket genre under the microscope. In Breaking the Lore, crime novelist Colin Falconer, pictured right, will examine successful crime writing and provide clues as to why some crime stories are great and why others end up dead in the water. Since crime stories rst appeared in the early s, crime ction has charmed its way into our consciousness and stayed there. From the early days of Sherlock Holmes on Baker Street and on to English country-house murders and seedy Sam Spade-style private eyes, readers were hooked And so they remained, as the genre weaved its way through psychological thrillers, spy novels, political intrigue, feminist crime ction and on to the current fascination with forensics addition to the Northern Rivers region, Colin, who also publishes as Colin Bowles and Mark dArbanville, is a prolic writer of crime and other genres. Colins work has been published widely in Europe, the UK and the USA and translated into languages. As Mark dArbanville, The Naked Husband was a runaway bestseller in Australia. As Colin Bowles, his novel Nights in the Sun won the WA Premiers Literary Award for the Best YA Book of the Year. Breaking the Lore, to be held on Saturday March 1, is a workshop for writers with misdemeanours on their minds. If you think you might be such a one, book a place today. NRWC members , non-members . Presbyterian Church Hall, Ruskin Street, Byron Bay. For bookings and info call or email susie nrwc.org.au.ARE YOU A VETERANDo you need assistance obtaining a pension from the Department of Veterans AffairsDo you need free advice on your rights and entitlements as a veteran or an ex or current member of the defence forces under the Veterans Entitlements Act or the Military Compensation SchemeAn Advocate from the veterans advocacy service
of the Legal Aid Commission of NSW will be conducting a FREE ADVICE CLINIC on THURSDAY ST FEBRUARY FRIDAY ND FEBRUARY AT THE LISMORE LEGAL AID OFFICE, MOLESWORTH STREET, LISMOREFor appointments and future advice clinic dates please telephone The Veterans Advocacy Service deals exclusively with Veterans matters and is highly experienced in providing independent accurate information and assistance to veterans and their dependants.and rumpled, ageing police inspectors on the eve of retirement. Its easy to see why publishers have always supported crime ction people read it and it sells. For this reason too, crime writing is fertile ground for writers seeking publication to explore. And there is none better qualified to examine the modern crime writing genre, to unearth its secrets and solve its mysteries, than Breaking the Lores presenter Colin Falconer. A recent and welcome
