When I was a kid trampolines didn’t have nets. And somehow we survived. In order to sustain a summer without broken bones you had to make sure you didn’t backflip onto the lawn and onto your head. When you poured... Read More →
It’s official. The world has gone mad. According to a recent media report Australian men are flocking to get a new wrinkle-reducing procedure. Scrotox. Like Botox, the idea is to reduce wrinkles. But not in the face, in your balls.
Once upon a time people had this thing called a ‘moral compass’. Once commonplace, in these modern times it has become a relic of the past. Something you’d find on the $2 table at Vinnies. Or free on Byron Swap and Sell.
You know what kind of person you are when your computer breaks. At 4.45pm last Friday my two-year-old Apple Mac decided to hold my life hostage by refusing to start. Like a cyber tantrum.
When I was a kid we went skating. There was a drive-in. A cafe with booths that we gathered at, eating burgers and playing Space Invaders. There was a regular Blue Light Disco. And I lived in a shitty country... Read More →
I saw it the other day, the Mullum Hug.* And it was then I realised that I hadn’t seen it for some time, not like this, not in its full 20-minute soul-to-soul traffic-stopping glory. I was crossing the street when... Read More →
Congratulations to the racists, the white supremacists, the Muslim-haters, the climate-change deniers, the homophobes, the misogynists, the pussy-grabbers and our friends in the coal industry: the world is yours again.
If you can do something to benefit yourself, should you? What if that thing you do to benefit yourself has long-term negative ramifications for others? What if your benefit is at the cost of others but this was never your intention? Are you still responsible?
Just over a week ago the United Nations announced the honorary ambassador for the empowerment of women and girls. Wonder Woman. That’s right. A fictitious superhero from DC Comics. And what attributes does she have to inspire us?
In the last 18 months it would appear that humans in northern NSW are no longer the top predator in the food chain. Right now we have second billing to sharks, and that’s pissing us off. ‘Look, buddy, you’re not just killing us. You’re killing our business.’
She’s dead. At just 25 million years. It’s a tragedy. A human being should never outlive one of the natural wonders of the world. That would be like seeing Everest crumble, or the Victoria Falls dry up, the Northern Lights... Read More →
I tell you, there’s one thing I love, and it’s a good old-fashioned surprise grab on the pussy. Especially by creepy old dudes. I’ll be walking down the street and wham, an old fella has gone for the downstairs shake,... Read More →
The other day on Gumtree someone posted a one-bedroom cabin for rent in Mullumbimby for 485 bucks a week. Wow, was it state-of-the-art, architect designed, fully furnished?… Nope. It’s rustic settler cottage style.
Last week my middle daughter finished school. Forever. That’s one less lunchbox on my bench. At my peak I was packing five lunchboxes and now I’m down to just two little boxes. I don’t understand parents who can’t wait for... Read More →
What is the collective noun for a group of slim, incredibly attractive young women in swimsuits and tiaras? A nightclub? A pole dance? No, it’s a pageant. A few weeks ago the winner of the 2016 Miss Universe Australia pageant, Caris Tiivel, was crowned.
As a kid my childhood is cleaved in two. BD and AD. That’s before the death and after the death of my father. I was six when he drove his powder-blue Valiant into the oncoming car of what I was to later discover was a school friend’s grandfather, killing him as well.
Life’s full of surprises. How you start out isn’t always how you end up. Growing up, I wasn’t a bad girl. I know that’s kind of shocking. Because I certainly turned into one later in life. It doesn’t even make sense to me and I’m me. Imagine how my mother feels.
Last week at about 2.30 in the afternoon I was meeting someone at a pub when two sketchy-looking dudes came into the front bar with their dog. Nothing unusual. There are sketchy-looking dudes with dogs all over the place, but... Read More →
If you want to see the worst in men go to children’s soccer. The minute their kid hits the pitch certain ‘grown’ men transform into testosterone-fuelled man-beasts obsessed with living out their failed sporting prowess through their poor kid.
What the hell happened to the Census? For the next four years the government will be using the data of a handful of people without computers who actually triumphed over electronic citizens when the online platform spat the dummy. That’s... Read More →
Every four years I look forward to watching the Olympics. It’s a bit of a thing for most people. In between times I’m not an avid watcher of sport, and I don’t have a team that I have bonded with. I’m never really sure whom to barrack for.
When harm is incurred, there are three little magic words that people seem to believe alleviates them of all social, moral and ethical responsibility: ‘I didn’t know’. When Big Daddy Malcolm rang Indigenous Affairs minister Nigel Scullion with what I... Read More →
Mum, I am just going down to the hospital.’ When your 15-year-old son says this to you, it’s hard not to panic. What’s wrong? Has he accidentally removed a limb trying to cut gluten-free bread?
Apparently I am likely to die prematurely. Well, at the very least a few years sooner than comedic or serious actors. A recent study shows that the funnier you are as a comedian, the shorter your lifespan is. Standup comedians... Read More →
She’s back. Bigger, redder and more bigoted than ever. Pauline Hanson has found herself a seat in the senate, thus landing a hefty cash injection into the One Nation bank account from the AEC. Votes are still being counted but... Read More →