My companion mollified me by saying that David and Margaret had described this movie as being ‘better than they expected’. That is possibly the ultimate in back-handed compliments, but it nevertheless was enough to give me some hope for the approaching couple of hours.
Alas, that hope, falsely nurtured, was cruelly shattered in the time it took for the first blast of tedious, brain-breaking CGI to assault my senses – by which I mean straightaway. Honestly, I struggle to understand how anybody other than testosterone-addled teenage boys can sit through this sort of thing.
In X-Men: Days Of Future Past, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman – he seems like such a nice bloke, too) is sent to the past to do something or other that will alter the course of history, a curly assignment that, as anybody remotely familiar with the caper will know, is simply not possible.
There are a lot of big stars helping him out, most notably Jennifer Lawrence as Raven/Mystique, a sort of blue mannequin who can transform herself into other people.
There’s a terrific scene where Iceman freezes the moment to ultra-slo-mo while he darts around the room re-directing bullets as they inch their way like snails towards his buddies, but my mind was wandering long before we’d reached the halfway point.
Hugh’s party-piece is to unleash extra-long claws that emerge from between his knuckles, but it loses its novelty value when he’s done it for about the fifteenth time and the same goes for Jennifer’s blue metamorphosis trick – if she turned into anybody else I was ready to scream.
Other than praising it for its obvious technical achievements, I’m unable to say anything good about this bombastic nightmare, for I was literally bored to distraction.
John F Kennedy, it turns out, may also have been a mutant but confirmation never arrived, for my companion leaned over to ask, ‘Do you have any idea what’s going on?’ I confessed that I didn’t and, more importantly, that I didn’t give a rat’s either way.
We walked. Life’s too short.
~ John Campbell