Berner For You

PeterBernerHe’s dark. He’s twisted. He is piss-funny.

Peter Berner lets rip with his signature sardonic snarl, as he gives the finger to the world at Comedy Capers at Cabarita Beach Sports and Bowls Club this Saturday.

What annoys me most about using public transport is… paying for it. I mean, they’re already going where I want to go. Just drop me off.

When I was a kid I thought the world… a mean place full of homework and detention.

My mother always told me… to make sure the getaway car had a full tank.

As I’ve got older I’ve learnt not to trust… experts.

I think that God is… probably shorter in person than people expect.

Tony Abbott should… No. I think Tony Abbott shouldn’t.

When it comes to doing my bit for the environment… I’m eating fewer baked beans.

What annoys my wife the most about me is… I’m not George Clooney.

I have never told anyone this, but… I’ve had plastic surgery to make my feet the same size.

Something I think about often is… how do they get shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle.

The weirdest thing that ever happened to me on stage was… I accidentally took all my clothes off.

Driving in Sydney has taught me… how to get angry very quickly.

If I could script my perfect night at home it would include… several rewrites.

If I could star in any TV show, past, future, present, it would be… Real Housewives of New Jersey.

At school I realised… one day my life would be password protected.

The surprising thing about the world is… if the date of the Big Bang theory is correct then the world is a Gemini.

What I like to give people when I’m on stage is… a good reason to be sitting in rows in the dark.

Peter will be appearing with Mandy Nolan and Nick Penn. Show starts at 8pm. Tix at the venue.

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