20.9 C
Byron Shire
May 7, 2021

Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Trump’s toga-town

Latest News

Join Clarkes Beach paddle out this weekend to stop massive oil and gas field project

Hundreds of local surfers and water-lovers will paddle out at Clarke’s Beach over the weekend to protest against a massive oil and gas field proposed for the NSW coast.

Other News

Mayor’s parting gift 

Michele Grant, Ocean Shores The Mayor’s parting gift to the Bruns/Bayside Community was ushering through approval for the controversial Corso...

Respect for Country

Léandra Martiniello, Whian Whian It is the night of the full moon, I have just watched it rise. On the...

Honouring midwives on their International day

Many of us have a midwife to thank for our safe arrival from the womb, these specialised 'catching' hands are a blessing to both mum and bub in hospitals and in the home.

Boarding houses

Matthew O’Reilly, CABS president and Council candidate for the new Byron Greens The over-development of cramped boarding-house accommodation in Sunrise...

Correcting the record

Duncan Dey, Greens candidate for mayor 2021–24 I wish to correct the record for those who listened to Thursday’s Council...

The top non-invasive skin treatments for glowing skin

With all the time we spend in the sun, our skin can start to show signs of aging sooner than we’d like. But the idea of an invasive treatment to fix skin problems is likely not the first choice for many people.


Like him or loathe him, Donald Trump is King of the Western World. The big orange hamster has found himself on his very own wheel of good fortune, and as Emperor of All he’s fast-tracking the rest of the world to what feels an awful lot like ‘the end of days’.

I’ve never been one for conspiracy theories or a convert of the works of Nostradamus, but wow, shit is getting wacky. I keep wondering if someone spiked my Kool-Aid.

Anyone with an anxiety condition is going to be doubling their meds right about now. Or restocking the bunker. Or building a bunker. Out of turmeric. Will there be a third world war? Or will it be a slow cook via global warming? Or perhaps it’s something quick, like violent death from a nuclear explosion? Or in its wake, a Zombie Apocalypse? Perhaps we’ll all die of despair. Is it possible for humanity to crumble from disbelief alone?

The constant outrage has made most of us numb to the continual stream of lunacy that leaks in from the US. It’s their very own Fukushima, except America’s disaster wasn’t caused by a tsunami; it was caused by an election. An election with shock waves still reverberating around the world. When it comes to damage incurred and risk to the planet, Donald seems to have the same half-life as uranium. (I sometimes imagine how good it would be to have him encased in concrete. That’s a great way to deal with unstable ‘reactors’.)

Or perhaps this is all a joke. Any minute we’re going to find out that the American election was actually a prank, an elaborate mockumentary, and that Donald Trump is actually Ali G or Steve Carrell or Ricky Gervais or even Chris Lilley in their finest comedic depiction of a crazed dictator. I’m imagining a scene at the White House and it’s like a frathouse party and everyone’s wearing togas. It’s toga madness. Semi-naked porn stars with their big naked boobies bobbing in the pool. Old men in sheets touching themselves while talking to young men in sheets touching other men in togas. Other old men in sheets trying to molest the bouncing pool boobies.

We’d cut to the Oval Office for some wide shots of general orgiastic toga frolicking. Close up on debauchery. Classic fall of empire stuff. Except at this toga party the host doesn’t drink, because he admits with a laugh, it turns him into a bit of a ‘cunt’! He says this to camera as he pushes someone into a woodchipper. I’ve seen this film before. It was disturbing the first time round. It’s Caligula.

I can see Trumpy in his toga, with his laurel-leaf wreath pulled tightly over his ginger nut, his fluffy orange tufts poking out, making him look childlike and vulnerable in that way only old men can. His goat-like feet splayed in sandals. He would have gross hairy toes. Marmalade hair curling around the big toe. His power toe. His tubby tummy rounding in his toga.

Perhaps it’s not a movie. Perhaps it’s history folding in on itself. What if Trump actually is our Caligula? If like Rome we’ve reached that bit when a glorious civilisation cannibalises itself. I can see the parallels. Trump sacks his FBI director and gives the job to his horse. And of course then there’s the creepy Caligula-esque things he’s said about his daughter Ivanka. (Remembering of course the Roman emperor had a similar penchant for one of his close relatives, his beloved sister…) Trumpy said Ivanka was hot, that if she weren’t his daughter he’d be dating her… It’s fine to quietly think your daughter is pretty but contemplating a scenario where you might be dating sets off the alarm bells. And hopefully a visit from Child Protection.

But it’s a toga party. Anything goes. The party is really hotting up now. The togas are coming off. Trump’s not Caligula now, he’s Nero. Rome is burning. Trump’s pulled out of the Paris Agreement – he may as well have struck a match and burned us to the ground. It’s potentially catastrophic. The US is one of the world’s biggest emitters of carbon. If they pull out we won’t meet our targets. And it’s not just Rome that will burn; he’ll take out the entire planet. That’s pretty much a hostage situation.

And Trump is planning on doing nothing about it. I guess, like Nero, he’ll fiddle while we burn. So maybe it is a practical joke. America – by Monty Python? Except sadly, no-one’s laughing. America has played their Trump card. And the rest of the world is gonna fold.

Support The Echo

Keeping the community together and the community voice loud and clear is what The Echo is about. More than ever we need your help to keep this voice alive and thriving in the community.

Like all businesses we are struggling to keep food on the table of all our local and hard working journalists, artists, sales, delivery and drudges who keep the news coming out to you both in the newspaper and online. If you can spare a few dollars a week – or maybe more – we would appreciate all the support you are able to give to keep the voice of independent, local journalism alive.


  1. Wow! Soapbox is heating up!!!

    He really suits the toga.

    With stabbings, rapes, bombs, Islam – dead young ones, and more in Australia – {Islams} it’s no wonder the world is heating up to boiling point!

  2. Yes, I’m doubling my medication to cope. It’s all too much to bear…….the lunatic is in the White House….all we are is just another brick in the crumbling wall……

  3. Trying to jump on the disinformed leftist bandwagon would prob be funny coming from you except politics is an arena i really think you should stay out of Mandy, espescially when you obviously dont understand the reality of it and are synonymous with the actual cause and effect of fake news. Otherwise i love your writing. Sounds like your getting your talking points from the loopy Phillip Frazer though


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Man dead after boat capsizes near Yamba

Police say a man has died and a second has been taken to hospital after a boat capsized south of Yamba this morning.

Jonson Street bus shelter gone and an era ended

Byron Shire Council says that the wooden bus shelter on Jonson Street outside the Byron Visitors Centre is being removed today with all bus services operating from the new bus interchange on Butler Street in Byron Bay

Upside down river

Tim Harrington, Lennox Head Letter contributor Richard White (letters 21/4/21) quite correctly identifies the Richmond River as an ‘upside down river’ and nowhere is this more...

Ballina Dragons’ great results at Urunga

The Ballina Dragon Boat Racing Club is a group of paddling people from all walks of life who enjoy being out on the water having fun and keeping fit.