According to Malcolm Turnbull, sometimes the best freedom in the world is actually having none. It’s so wonderful being ‘Free… of being Free’. Isn’t our freedom what we Australians are so incredibly proud of? That we are a peaceful country that enjoys the fruits of a democratically elected government meant to reflect the will of the people?
Hang on, is that will of the actual people, or just the people in corporations? I mean foreign investors are people too. They may not be Australian but isn’t owning or investing kind of like being Australian? Surely we need to protect their interests. Because after all they employ Australians. Most of the time. Well sometimes. Sometimes hardly at all.
But that’s the point of globalisation isn’t it? They pay dividends to investors, like billionaires, big businesses, and banks. They’re all people. Or at least they used to be. I mean they own freedom don’t they? Didn’t we privatise that last election? Isn’t Freedom trademarked by Monsanto or the NRA or Woolies?
These new protections brought in by the Libs are good for us. Especially now we’ve hocked most of our government assets to private enterprise and foreign investors. If we are going to stay solvent in the economic milieu of an uncertain future and not get caught in the rip of a crypto current then we need some serious foreign cash to float our boat. And when I say boat I don’t mean boats full of refugees. They’re the ones who got us into this mess!
I’m expecting compassion and global understanding of the impacts of capitalism and the arms race and oil and religion on ordinary people! When I say ‘float our boat’, I mean big boats with stuff on them, like cargo ships and oil tankers and coal ships for Adani.
It’s so great to live in a country where we have a vote that matters. Well, at least the illusion of feeling that it matters. Surely we feudal hordes would implode if faced with the reality of self-governance, so it’s good to know that the people we vote in to do our thinking are able to create legislation to protect us from ourselves.
Unlike the poor people adrift on those refugee boats we live in a lucky country with a political climate where we have a voice. Well we have a show on TV called The Voice. As for a political voice, you can have one but only if you agree. If you don’t, well, make it a quiet voice. An inside voice. Maybe a whisper. Maybe just an internal monologue. That’s still okay.
Thanks to Mr Turnbull’s latest strategic silencing of protestors and journalists with the 60 amendments to the Espionage and Foreign Interference Bill passed last week things are going to get a whole lot quieter out there. Although we’re still allowed thought crime. I think. However, if my subversive thinking somehow impacts on another country losing trust or confidence in Australia, well that would be a threat to national security and I may face up to 20 years imprisonment. But that’s only if I do it on purpose. If I accidentally fuck it up then it’s just 15 years.
And journalists reporting on breaches of international humanitarian law by the Australian government? That’s life imprisonment. Oh and don’t even think about touching public infrastructure. Any anarchists out there about to embark on a bit of ‘smash the state’ late-night graffiti – you might want to reconsider, lest you actually become an armchair activist without an armchair – in prison.
It’s hard to smash the state when you’re locked up. But even though we can no longer protest, blockade, speak out, sign petitions, have robust investigative reporting, protect human rights, or have a free-voiced ABC, we are still FREE-ish. But to be on the safe side, the CSG-protesting Knitting Nanas might want to just stick to knitting. Maybe they could knit a giant tea cosy that fits over our entire country to hide our shame for electing a government with totalitarian ambitions and familiar Hitleresque overtones.
Oh well. I guess you won’t be seeing me for a while. See you in 15 years!