Jake Jaquiss, Goolmangar
A new game to play, no electronics and very interactive, PAP stands for Passive Aggressive Piety. PAP fills the void left by priests. To play PAP one merely tallies up the number of times in a day one can wag the finger at others less enlightened than oneself. Each time you do you give yourself PAP plus 1 (P+1).
So if you remonstrate when someone says, god forbid, that they like the Byron sculpture, or says ‘Happy Australia Day’ or, sin of all sins, say they had a meal at McDonald’s and it was quite nice, you score P+1.
To keep things scalable, great transgressions like the last comment still get P+1. At the end of the day you tally up your score and can see how secure you are on your moral high ground.
Two caveats – you can be ‘papped’ yourself. So, for a comment like ‘homeopathy is bollocks’ you get pap minus 1 (P-1). So, to maintain a high PAP score, one has to guard against non-sanctioned opinions.
Secondly, PAP doesn’t travel well; in fact we have the law of inverse PAP. So if you go to other areas your views may be seen as transgressive, so you either have to return to bubble land or change your opinions. Like all games there has to be a way to cheat. This is known as the PAP smear, where groundless rumours are spread, ie he/she says they’re vegan but I saw them eating a sausage!
So, remember you are the light you are the way and you have the figures to prove it.