Ian Harris, Mullumbimby
On May the fourth, Peter Dutton announced to the media that ‘we’ve got to save our country from Bill Shorten’.
Leaked documents to Dutton from universal master spy, Garindan, allege that one of the Shapeshifter Gurlanins had polymorphed into Bill Shorten who, should he win the election, will secretly launch an Earth invasion from their home planet, Qi’ilura.
In another twist, Shorten himself, in the second live debate, referred to Morrison as a ‘classic space invader’.
Originally it was thought that a Clawdite had shapeshifted into Shorten but this piece of intergalactic intelligence was deemed unreliable when the suspected Clawdite, Shorten, didn’t slip from his disguise when severely distracted by trying to explain his $387 billion tax bill.
The documents further go on to recommend that the quickest form of defence would be to quasimorph an Ugur into Clive Palmer. The source pointed out that as Ugurs resemble large blobs naturally and, when dealing with outsiders, they usually wear fluorojackets after taking on a humanoid form hence only semi or ‘quasi’ morphing was required. This could be accomplished ‘in a matter of nanoseconds’.
May the 18th be over soon.