Ron Curran, Ocean Shores
The earth is a house and that house is burning. But the thief who took the cutlery says ‘I’m only 1.3 per cent thief, so that makes me hardly a thief at all… cos the owners were away, the house was burning and their insurance would cover it anyway. So don’t call me a thief, who’s going to miss a bit of cutlery anyway?
‘And you can’t say I’m like those looters who stole all the furniture, now that’s thievery if ever I saw it. And nothing like the guys who ripped off the cars, the fridge and the TV… now there’s someone to blame. But I swear I didn’t see a thing… I turned my head the other way. So don’t accuse me, I’m not like them… no way!
‘But hey, what about the gang that ripped off the safe and started the fire by pulling the alarm wiring out of the wall? Now that’s front page news – those are the real criminals, don’t look at me. I only took the cutlery. No one was watching. That’s hardly a crime at all!’
‘But hey’ says the judge, ‘your 1.3 per cent thief is still 100 per cent robbery. The earth is burning, haul him away!’