The whole Sugar Daddy thing makes me instantly diabetic. When did f-ing an old man for cash become a normalised thing? I know TAFE is boring, and going to uni can be a bit of a drag – it’s tough making rent by working in a bar – but really girls, is banging some old codger for cash the career you were after? The whole Sugar Daddy thing sets the feminist clock back pre Suffragette. It confirms our status as commodity; that we can be bought and sold. And guess what? The Sugar Daddy sets the fee. It makes me furious. I’m tempted to register my profile as an 18 year-old and catfish some creepy old fuck. I still dress like I’m 17, so it’s not that hard. Wait till I turn up and he meets a jaded 52 year- old woman who gives him a public dressing down and a kick in the balls. ‘What kind of weak prick has to groom little girls with cash for company? Are you that boring? Do real women find you that repulsive? Have the dignity to get a hooker, grandad. Or a nurse.’
Interesting men can generally meet interesting women without a profile on Sugar Daddy. I trawled the internet for commentary on the Sugar Daddy phenomenon, but all I found were these trite propaganda stories about how great it is.
Is it? I don’t believe it. I don’t believe the long-term psychological effect of handing over your body and your mind for the use of some creepy old rich dude does much for your self-esteem, except to confirm that your physicality is your only value. Sugar babies grow up you know – so what happens when you turn 30?
The thought of having to be nice to a boring old man just because he’s rich and he’s going to buy me toys, or take me for a spin in his boat, almost puts me in a coma. I’d rather be poor and conscious. I’ve always preferred poor men anyway, they have to dazzle with intellect or wit, not a fancy car. I just don’t get the attraction.
Sure, older men have been into younger girls since day dot, but what’s wrong with prostitution? It’s a very straightforward honest contract. It’s over in a few minutes, and there is a sense that the sex worker is in control of the transaction. Not with the Sugar Daddy situation. The power play in the Sugar Daddy relationship is evidenced in the name. Daddy is in charge of Baby. And Baby doesn’t just get to gratify grandpa – she has to hang around and be his toy. Jesus. She has to pretend like she really wants to ‘hang out’ with him. She has to go on trips with him. Have coffee with him. Basically she becomes his plaything. What a loser the dude is. Is there an award wage for sex-slavery? The whole Sugar Daddy thing perverts the father/daughter relationship. It makes my skin crawl.
Apparently it’s not all sexual. Some rich old men just want company. To me that means he can’t get it up. If he could, he’d want sex. When men pay for something, they expect something. You can get company at the bowling club, but you have to pay for hand-relief – especially if it’s the tender soft hands of a young girl, who not only has to get you off, she also has to pretend you’re interesting.
Stop wasting her time!
Listen you creepy old rich fucks, leave our young women alone. Stop offering them the rich daddy they never had. It’s pedophilic. When Marilyn Monroe used her baby-girl voice to sing My heart belongs to daddy the flaccid cocks of ageing patriarchs around the world stood to attention. Well, at least for a moment, before they assumed their usual ‘at ease’ trouser position.
This bizarre little song signposted a sexualised relationship between ‘daddy’s’ and ‘little girl’s’ suggesting that, at the end of the day, we’re not autonomous or independent, but in fact we are the possession of our fathers, or of ‘the Father’ – the Patriarch: Old rich men who really do think they can buy anything. And they want the naivety, and the fragility, of the young. An older woman wouldn’t tolerate their bullshit. What kind of old fool pays to hang out with a child? A Sugar Daddy, that’s who.
So, angry old women, are you coming online to catfish these fuckers with me? We’ve got some work to do.