Gladys sure can pick ‘em! It’s not her politics that are going to bring her down, it’s not her choice in policies – it’s her choice in men. Namely, her bad boyfriend, Daryl. How could she have known? I mean, what happens in Wagga stays in Wagga! Unless of course you’re using your pillow talk to get the inside goss to convince federal oil and gas lobby groups to help sell your Chinese mining technology. ‘Frack Me Daryl!’
Poor Gladys – the man she loved turned out to be a Dirty John. How could she have known? Daryl is one of the most innocuous names around. Daryl is the perfect name for a good straight boring man. I don’t think there’s a single Daryl in the history of Daryls who have ever done anything remarkable. Daryl Braithwaite – he’s as good as a Daryl gets. Daryls don’t rock the boat. Daryls aren’t ever serial killers or terrorists. Daryls are reliable. You should be able to trust a Daryl. Daryl will come over and help you move furniture. Daryl loves a beer and a pokie at the RSL. Daryl reads the Telegraph. Daryl doesn’t help heirs to a racing fortune sell land near the proposed Western Sydney airport.
Apologies to the Daryls out there – but it’s just not a sexy name. I’ll show you why. Start moaning in a building orgasmic crescendo and scream out ‘Daryl! Daryl! Oh Daryl!’ It’s quite the cold spoon on the climax. I once dated a guy called Daryl. He changed his name to Richard. When I found out his actual name was Daryl, I left him. Poor Gladys hit the bottom of the barrel with Daryl. (Barrel was the only word I could find to rhyme with Daryl… oh, and apparel).
But Gladys is not alone.
We girls love a bloke with problems, or a dark secret, or a conman. Does it for us every time. Bad blokes have a powerful charisma that nice blokes don’t have. Your friends can see it – they have a special name for the charisma of your bad boyfriend, they call it: ‘arsehole’. You don’t have to be into anal to love an arsehole. The more narcissistic, manipulative and duplicitous the better. It’s an aphrodisiac. Especially for smart high achieving women. Nice guys just can’t compete. I mean who would want to be in a supportive and nurturing relationship with a healthy man? If you weren’t trying to change him, or save him, then what would you do on weekends?
I can imagine that Gladys’ friends probably pulled her aside and whispered ‘you’re the Premier of NSW Gladys – you can do better than Daryl. Jamie Packer’s single. And he’s got a casino. Doesn’t matter what you say in the bedroom, apparently he doesn’t remember anything.’
I think Gladys knew. Not what Daryl was up to, just that Daryl was probably not the best choice for a boyfriend. We women have an intuition for that sort of thing. Sadly we rarely listen to it. That’s why she kept him secret. Her secret Daryl.
I feel sorry for Gladys. I look at the photos of her in the paper and she looks really ashamed. She looks heartbroken. You can see the pain on her face. And although she’s a bit dodgy on the details of when they started their relationship, she’s openly admitted she’s made a mistake. Something politicians rarely do.
You can’t help who you love. Love is illogical. It’s sometimes dangerous. It’s compelling, especially, when it’s wrong. And Daryl was wrong. Daryl was Gladys heroin. Gladys clearly loved Daryl. And now it has ruined her. She’d been doing a good job in her public office. But now, that doesn’t matter. She got held over a Daryl.
Everyone thought that Gladys had no personal life. That she lived an ascetic life. That she went home to her empty house, with her empty fruit bowl, and cried quietly – on the inside. We liked her like that. It made her seem tough and invulnerable.
But she had her secret Daryl. It actually makes me like her and I’ve never voted Liberal in my life. She’s vulnerable. She’s human, she’s made a mistake in her personal life that’s going to totally smash her career. I’ve been embarrassed by some of my bad choices in men, imagine how Gladys must feel! For a very private person it must be excruciating to have ICAC trawl through your undie drawer. It seems cruel to be held accountable for the behaviour of your bad boyfriend. But such is the requirement of public office.
Gladys got pork Daryled.