I like quiz shows.
Especially Hard Quiz on ABC, because Tom Gleeson is brutally funny, and the banter is excellent and the participants are as quirky as the new Byron Council.
I particularly like ‘Who Am I?’ at trivia nights, where there are obscure facts about a person that put you off guard, and then some more common ones until it becomes easier to recognise them but you are left wondering whether the first ones were true.
Like ‘My father has a frog named after him’ and ‘I run a muesli company’ (our new mayor?)
Like ‘I was the only one of seven siblings to survive’ and ‘I ate sweets laced with cyanide but it did not kill me’ (Rasputin).
So, in the spirit of ‘Who Am I?’, let’s begin:
My lineage commences in 1916 with the initials FCN.
I changed my last name in 2016, but kept the initials FCN.
Struggles to make a profit
My mission is the supply of timber on a commercial basis, but despite free access to state resources, I have struggled to make a profit.
I am a criminal, and I continue to engage in criminal activity, but I cannot be sent to prison.
Multiple convictions
I have been convicted on over 14 occasions, and fined hundreds of thousands of dollars over many years, but this has not stopped my offending.
I have committed offences of vandalism on an epic level with illicit and serious destruction of the native environment my speciality.
I have likely committed many offences for which I have never been prosecuted, because I work in remote areas and habitually hide my operations behind no-go zones.
Most recently, I was fined $360,000 for criminal damage after destroying 53 mature native trees in bushfire-damaged country that were canopy and habitat for endangered wildlife.
The court found I caused substantial actual harm, and future potential harm.
I pleaded guilty but tried to minimise the harm caused in submissions to the court.
Low prospects of rehabilitation
The court specifically rejected submissions that I had good prospects of rehabilitation, and that there was a low likelihood of reoffending. Which sort of means the court expressed a dim view of my ability to comply with the law in the future.
The judge stated that my expression of remorse was of limited weight, particularly given that I did not accept the extent of the harm caused.
I manage two million hectares of land, and the government gave me $247 million over the last five years.
Sadly, notwithstanding this multi-party largesse, my businesses lost $28 million last year.
This means that despite logging the crap out of areas targeted to be a national park it still costs the taxpayers just to have me alive.
Unquestioning support from NSW government
Despite this appalling record of criminal activity and destruction of the environment, the government consistently states that it maintains confidence in me and continues to throw money my way, and ensures that I can continue to operate.
I seem to be untouchable, and reckon that no matter what the fine, I can continue to operate as long as I am alive.
I am meant to protect over a million hectares of conservation areas but environmentalists are suspicious that I have neither the will, nor the expertise, to manage this.
I have no heart, no soul and no brain. I have no conscience, no insight and no regrets.
Greenwash PR
My webpages are full of greenwash bullshit that I habitually don’t live up to. I use the words ‘sustainable’ and ‘responsible’ a lot.
I hope one day to know what they mean. I also use the word ‘jobs’ all the time, and on that score, I cannot accurately count. I never ever say the word ‘koala’ because it is bad luck to speak of the dead.
Paid more than the PM
The average remuneration of my top executives was $552,000 per year in 2023.
That is about the same as the prime minister of Australia.
And that is just the average, which means my CEO likely earns much more.
The evidence of my personnel in the sentencing hearing was described as vague and unhelpful. Much of their evidence was just not accepted. I have not sacked anyone as a result.
I have not been declared a criminal organisation. But I should be.
No matter who is mayor of Byron Shire, they will want me dead, but I am harder to kill than Rasputin.
I am the Forestry Corporation of NSW.
♦ Professor David Heilpern Dean of Law and Chair of Discipline at SCU. He is also a former magistrate and author.
For four decades The Echo has printed the stories some people loved, some people hated, and some pretended not to read. If you want us to keep telling the truth, the real truth, not the sugar-coated version. We’ll need your support to keep the presses rolling. 
