I have decided to join Pauline Hanson’s One Nation (PHON). I have tired of voting for losers, and can sense a wave of support. After all, if they can shamelessly publicly signpost a meeting at Mullumbimby’s Lulu’s Cafe, then they must be on the up. Yep, six per cent is not a great starting point, but that’s all they got in Farrer in 2025 as well.
And really, what attracts me most, apart from the eloquence of Pauline herself, the ethics of James Ashby her main advisor, the idolisation of Donald Trump, the funding of Gina, and the employment of a rapist, is the actual policies which align with my viewpoint on almost everything. The policies are all online!
On abortion, the policy deplores the passing of state laws and describes the current regime as ‘one of the most extreme in the western world’. I am so heartened that the policy is to ‘roll back brutal and extreme abortion laws’ so that ‘unborn babies and pregnant women have a level of legal protection once again’. Yes, let’s see those abortionists imprisoned again and repeal the latest round of legalisation. Let’s have the only option a return to backyard abortions, and lock up women who are raped, become pregnant, and seek help. Just like in Trump-land.
On logging, Pauline has so got her finger on the button with the claim that forestry supports 180,000 jobs, and I love that she encourages more native forest logging. She specifically and directly opposes locking up any more native forests. After all, we all know that human activity has nothing to do with climate change, and how encouraging that she imports this certainty into her forestry policy. Bugger the Koala National Park, stop locking up our resources for fury pests.
Pauline’s humanity just shines on immigration – deport 75,000 people immediately, presumably with an Aussie Aussie Aussie version of ICE. Currently, only about 1,000 people face this fate every year, so it would be a cinch to multiply that by 75 times. I particularly like the idea of refusing entry to migrants from nations where there are ‘extreme ideologies’. Because let’s face it, there have been no decent migrants from say Nazi Germany, or Vietnam, or Cambodia, or Russia, or Sudan, or the USA. Oops, sorry, didn’t mean white countries like that. I don’t think. Anyway, let’s ‘take control of our borders’ and not be ‘dictated to by the United Nations’ any more. Because of sovereignty. Yay.
No namby-pamby
For me, nothing is as important as law and order, and PHON policy accords with my views completely. First, pass laws that impose zero tolerance, and then leave it entirely up to police discretion. That way, the power belongs where it should – with the police force, not with namby-pamby judges or social workers. Police are best placed to determine who should be apprehended for a crime, and we all know they are unbiased and reasonable in that choice – like throwing around Muslims at prayer. And on drugs, at last a political party with policies that will work – impose a mandatory death penalty on hard drug traffickers, and mandatory imprisonment for any other drug traffickers. That will make Lulu’s safe again. And passing a joint around a group will mean everyone is locked up. Next, at last, let’s name all those child offenders, rather than let them have anonymity and a chance to turn over a new leaf. Name and shame children for life I reckon. Even when they are ten years old.
And of course, there is that evil concept of multiculturalism. The policy reads that we should only support those migrants who will give Australia their ‘undivided loyalty’. Yep, I am all for that. Except for pure white people. Goes without saying. I don’t mean them because they are, like, good divided-loyalty people. As opposed to Muslims or Gazans who are bad divided-loyalty people. You can tell really by looking at them.
On firearms, I ask you, has ever a truer word been written than these – ‘One Nation opposes firearm reclassification, ownership caps, and government-funded buyback schemes’. No ownership caps will make a difference for me with my 70 firearms I need on my suburban block for (um) pest control. And this – ‘Australia’s lawful firearms sector underpins food security, environmental management, community sport, and local jobs’. Without firearms we would be hungry. And unemployed. And fat and lazy. So, shoot more ask questions less.
And if we elect a One Nation (even minority) government, as an added bonus, we can have nuclear power and solve all our energy problems in one swoop. As the policy document says, this is a question of sovereignty and security, and specifically mentions having a plant on Australia’s east coast. Mullumbimby needs this. You know we do. Maybe the hospital site? Or the hydro plant up the creek?
So, next time you are passing by Lulu’s and there is a One Nation meeting sign out the front, take note of who attends because each of these north coasters support these reasonable, mainstream policies of Pauline’s and has a poster of Ben Roberts-Smith in their closet. Treat them with respect. Don’t mock. Let’s be sure to congratulate them heartily on their choices. And make sure they feel welcome in our tolerant, hippy towns.
Professor David Heilpern is SCU Dean of Law and Chair of Discipline, Faculty of Business, Law and Arts.
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