Imagine being raped or killed and being blamed. That’s how it’s been for women in a patriarchy that instead of holding the perpetrator to account, asks ‘What was she wearing?’, ‘Why was she walking on that street at that time of night?’, ‘Was she a sex worker?’ These are the wrong questions. The only questions should be: why is this happening and how can we stop it? Almost half a century ago the Reclaim the Night March kicked off in response to these questions. It was in response to the Yorkshire Ripper. But as it turned out, serial rapists and killers were not unique to the UK, and in a few years the march was worldwide, with women who had been told by the police if they wanted to be safe to ‘stay indoors after dark’. Um. No. Stop killing us. Women pushed back, and protested by demanding safety. Outrageous, I know. How dare we!
Now, years on we continue to demand safety. Not just on the streets, but everywhere. Over decades of mobilisation, women and their allies now march to raise awareness of the systemic issues of sexual assault, domestic violence, victim-blaming culture and online safety. Because ironically when we were told to ‘stay home after dark’ for our safety, the police neglected to observe that we were also at risk there. One in four women have experienced violence from an intimate partner since they were 15. Women and children are dying at the rate of two murders a week. In their homes. Where they were supposed to be safe. Wasn’t this where we were to lock ourselves so the bad men don’t get us on the street? OK, can’t be out, can’t be home.
Where else is safe? The digital world? Sorry, but according to UN Women Australia, 16-28% of women globally experience technology facilitated gender-based violence, such as cyberstalking, deepfakes and harassment. So what about work? Are we safe there? Don’t expect to be, our safety scores are declining. It’s the only major dimension of workplace equality to go backwards over the past decade.
The messages from the patriarchy are that it’s ok to hurt women. Sure, it’s not a government campaign, it’s much more effective, it’s called porn. And thanks to the internet, it’s more accessible, darker, more explicit, more violent and more harmful to women’s safety than it’s ever been. Porn on the internet is far more hardcore and dangerous than the newsagent magazine ever was.
Mainstream pornography now normalises physical aggression, promotes gender inequality and sexualises hurting women. It tells men that women like this. Slapping, hair-pulling, and strangulation have been popularised by porn and have become part of the sexual repertoire of real people. Except it’s not simulated for a camera, it’s real. And women, are experiencing brain injury, stroke, and death. Why? Because killing women has become so normalised it’s now a regular feature of sex. Violent porn has eroded empathy and it has created a higher level of societal acceptance of violence against women than ever.
Some men will be reading this and they will feel angry. Not at what other men do, but that I am challenging their entitlement. They’re not comfortable being held to account. They’ll say: ‘what about us? What about male victims?’ And then the conversation is diverted once more into one that centres men by attempting to erase the legitimacy of women’s experience. If you are a man and you are reading this, and you are doing that, I ask you to stop.
We’re not excluding men. We want you to get involved. We want you to care enough to call out your brothers and mates. To recognise your own role. We want you to lead change. Because something we’ve realised is that until you step in and fix this part that remains more broken than ever, then we will keep being hurt. We’ll keep dying with the hands of a stranger or a partner at our throat. The world will not be safe for us. This is not partisan political. This is human. Surely all people – no matter what their political beliefs, can believe in safety for women and children.
So rise up. Join us at Reclaim the Night March in Lismore at the Quad at 6pm on Thursday, 15 October. All welcome. Let’s stop the violence.
Mandy Nolan’s column has appeared in The Echo for almost 25 years. She is a writer, comedian and artist, is the preselected Greens candidate for Ballina and was the Greens candidate at the past two federal elections.
For four decades The Echo has printed the stories some people loved, some people hated, and some pretended not to read. If you want us to keep telling the truth, the real truth, not the sugar-coated version. We’ll need your support to keep the presses rolling. 
