It has always been my feeling that in order to heal man, woman needs to heal first and then it is her role to heal man. And I was thinking this morning of two types of pain man has to deal with, and that he mostly doesn’t talk about. The first pain is that associated with his constant need or drive to ‘plant his seed,’ and the other is his need to fully concentrate on one thing at a time.
These points are actually quite big philosophical discussions, and have both micro and macro implications, but in this short article I am actually going to talk about the micro ie. the women’s intimate association with her man and how this may be improved. (And before I start, this has not stemmed from any particular event in my own life, but I have certainly been influenced to write about this for some time, because of observations and experiences in my own life.)
Man is often put down or humoured by woman because of his inability to multi-skill, but I am one woman who is starting to see that this is a folly. Yes, women are very good at doing many things at once, we are very good organisers and can get a lot done very efficiently in a short period of time. But whilst we have this ability, really, how enjoyable is it? Perhaps it is when we slow down or stop for long enough to write, to draw, to play music, to do yoga, to meditate … where we partake in activities where we have no choice except putting all our energy into one thing, that we see this. We feel this. We know this. And don’t tell me you don’t have time – time is what we make it, and you also know this …
The second point, man’s innate need to continually ‘plant his seed,’ is one that is so hidden – from man himself, from the woman in his life, from society, and the world at large, and ultimately, underlies so many issues we are experiencing today. When is the last time you looked at the man you are with, where you really saw him, or heard him, or realised that his lashing out at you was him trying to deal with his pain? That it actually has little to do with you personally, that it is about him? Yes, difficult when you are in the middle of a whirlwind, but in retrospect? Reflection and awareness are good starting points for change, and sometimes, I don’t even think words even have to be exchanged – just a silent and shared understanding.
And man, how can he learn to deal with this pain? He has never been taught skills, he has never had any preparation, there is no moral code. Does talking help him? Are men’s groups helpful?
There are certainly no simple answers, but compassion and understanding would have to come at the top of the list. And I think we can learn a lot from just listening to each other and sharing our stories.
But also looking at ways we can remove the stress from our lives. How well is your lifestyle really serving you? How important is it really to own your own home? How willing are you to make, accept and embrace change?
When I spoke with the man I am spending some time with, he mentioned the changing of the nuclear family, mateship and clanship, and that “children grown up better when they have a lot more adults around them e.g. 3 or 4 mothers and fathers.
There are lots of new opportunities that are around us, lots of new discoveries to be made, and lots of learning available. I hope you are giving some of these opportunities some thought and consideration. Ultimately, with all the madness going on around us, we really only have each other.
Article courtesy of Catherine Mercer