There is no such thing as chemtrails. I know this may come as a bit of a shock. Like being told there’s no Santa or no tooth fairy. But the truth is, a fat man coming down your chimney in... Read More →
You better do what you’re told. If not, someone will fine you. If you don’t pay the fine we double it. Then we double it again. Then we send the State Debt Recovery Office (must be a hoot working there)... Read More →
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the kitchen, the kombucha is back. I couldn’t believe it. I thought we’d got our fill of the fermented fungus juice back in the 90s.
There is a bloke in Mullumbimby whom I adore. I don’t know him, I don’t even know his name, but when I see him I feel this huge surge of happiness. I have never seen a person more comfortable with who they are.
When I was 21 I found myself in prison. For almost eight months. It’s not what you think. I wasn’t auditioning for Orange is the New Black. It wasn’t a women’s prison. It was a men’s prison. Boggo Road, maximum-security... Read More →
So this week we’re being told the overuse of antibiotics has caused the emergence of a superbug. A woman in the US presented with a urinary tract infection and was identified as having a strain of E Coli that doesn’t respond to Colisti, our top-gun antibiotic.
I make lists. It’s what I do. It is not unusual for me to wake in the middle of the night, my head buzzing with things that I would have otherwise forgotten. ‘Order serviettes. Do I need buckets? Count chairs.’... Read More →
I used to hate going to bed. When I was a child I was convinced that the time when I was sleeping was when all the interesting stuff happened. That’s why adults wanted children to go to bed. So they could do the good stuff.
Dear Tony, I know I shouldn’t be writing this, but can you help? This immigration minister thing seemed like a good idea at the time, it looked good on paper, and kind of gave me a boner when I saw... Read More →
When I became a mother I remember thinking how much better I was going to be at the whole mothering racket than my own mother. My children would enjoy my endless devotion characterised by monogrammed cupcakes nestled in bespoke lunchboxes,... Read More →
I am not colouring-in. There, I said it. I don’t get this whole colouring-in craze. Have we all gone mad? Are we so sedated by life that’s all we’re left with. For fuck’s sake, learn to knit. Crochet around your... Read More →
There is a popular attitude towards homelessness that I find perplexing and idiotic. It comes directly from the Alan Jones school of compassion and centres on ‘homeless authenticity’, namely, that there are two types of homeless people. People who are... Read More →
Last week I realised I had a stalker. Sunday arvo, a NO CALLER ID call comes through. I pick it up. The voice says, ‘Hello, Mandy, it’s Rob!’ I didn’t have a clue who Rob was, but here’s a little... Read More →
Nasty prudes need to stop picking on breastfeeding mums. Breastfeeding in public is not embarrassing. Being embarrassed by breastfeeding in public: now that is embarrassing.
Driving past and seeing four cop cars outside your local high school is not good PR, either for people driving past or the people inside. It feels scary. Even I start getting the fear and I don’t even smoke pot. I start feeling like I’ve done something wrong.
Last week the NSW government, led by Mike Baird, passed new anti-protest legislation increasing penalties for protesters at mining and coal seam gas sites, and awarding police greater discretionary powers to use their ‘move on’ orders to disperse and disband... Read More →
Attention! Attention! Every few minutes my phone beeps. The tone tells me whether it’s a Facebook notification or a text message. If I’m playing hard to get, Mr Apple reminds me again by piercing my solitude with another little bleep.
No-one is impressed with Cardinal Pell. Not the average punter. Not most Catholics. Not Tim Minchin. Not the adult survivors of clerical abuse. Not Justice Peter McClellan. Not even the pope. And certainly not God. Being brought up Catholic I... Read More →
Nothing ruffles the feathers of a conventional meat-eating family more than when one of your kids decides to be vegan. And it’s not just the issue of separate meal preparation, or the death by salad. It’s the constant bombardment of vegan propaganda.
Today I started crying in the cat-food aisle at Woolies. Not just a little bit. But those big gulping sobs that make your face screw up all weird and snot come out.
By 4 February I’d achieved some of my bucket list items: (1) Taken family on overseas holiday Tick. (2) Elope on beach in Hawaii Tick. (3) Have a colonoscopy…
So I am about to go on a holiday. Hawaii. For a whole two weeks. I haven't gone away for that long for 18 years. There was a week in a caravan at Evans Head that was so exhausting it left me in hospital with cardiac arythimia.
There is a question that we used to ask ourselves to work out what was most important in life: If you had two minutes to get out of your house, what would you grab? Everyone used to say ‘the photo... Read More →
It was with some relief that I read of Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall’s engagement. At least now he’ll leave me alone.
The universe provides. That’s what hippies with moon calendars in their toilet and a copy of The Secret by their bed have always told me. To a small extent I agree, but the universe is not some sort of online... Read More →