21.5 C
Byron Shire
March 9, 2021

#106‬ Measure of affection

Latest News

Entertainment in the Byron Shire for the week beginning 10 March, 2021

Entertainment in the Byron Shire for the week beginning 10 March, 2021

Other News

Forum to address housing emergency, March 8

A grassroots movement is bringing women, community and art together on International Women’s Day (March 8) in an urgent push to solve the local housing emergency. 

Byron’s new road: the good and not so

After more than 30 years of talk, debate, disagreements, tears and political gridlock, Byron Bay has a new road to divert traffic from the CBD to the southern end of town.

Naming Ben Franklin

Cecily McGee, Mullumbimby It's very misleading for the Byron Shire Echo to repeatedly give Ben Franklin free media coverage,  as in...

Parking permits

Liz Levy, Suffolk Park Why has Byron Shire Council decided to impose a layer of digital tyranny for residents wishing to...

Have you been to Oma yet? 

Oma is the newest food and wine bar in Byron Bay, established by the team at Three Blue Ducks....

Buy and sell food app launches

Finding it too hard to purchase local produce via social media, partners Vanessa and Leisa thought there must be a better way.

Video Sharon Shostak

How affectionate are you? I have always considered myself to be an affectionate person, but lately I’ve been noticing that perhaps I’m not as emotionally demonstrative as I have previously thought. I hug my children fairly regularly. Maybe not every day. But at least once or even twice a week. In my mind I hug them every day, but in reality I don’t get to it much more than that.

They get harder to hug when they are teenagers; you have to hunker down and get them in some sort of military grip. Kind of like a tackle without the release. Of course I hug my four-year-old. A lot. She sleeps with us most nights so she’s using up most of my affection for the world quota.

When I walk past my husband I’ll touch him. Not in a gropey way. More of a gentle running of the fingers across his back followed by a small push to get him out of the way so I can proceed with my course of action.

I kiss them all goodnight. I always do that. It’s become such a ritual in our house that the brushing of lips against cheek is as practised as a handshake. ‘Night, Love you,’ uttered like a small oft-repeated prayer, but with the same sentiment as the girl at the Woolies checkout delivers: ‘How are you today’.

Of course I love them. (My kids, not the girls at Woolies.) But do I show it enough? I’m starting to worry that I’m not quite the warm cuddly mumma bear that I like to see myself as. I was listening to a motivational speaker some time ago and she suggested that many of us are not ‘present’ when we are being affectionate with our kids. That we’re caught up thinking about the next thing we have to do and the thing after that and delivering affection is just another job we have to tick off the list before we get on with the shit we have to do.

I am certainly guilty of that. The other day my husband was loitering in the kitchen making ready to leave for work, waiting for an opportunity to kiss me goodbye and I’m like ‘In a minute; I just have to wash out this bin’. Really? I have to wash out a bin before I show love to the people I hold dearest? Even to a hardened old cynic like me that seems a bit harsh. Although the bin did require my immediate attention. I made a note to self. ‘Always kiss husband before washing bin.’

The speaker made a suggestion when referring to hugging one’s children. ‘Be the last one to pull away,’ she said. I thought about my child hugs. Perhaps I was the one who broke first. I’d never thought about it. So I tried hanging in there. The first time I hugged my son I kept hanging on. It went forever. I thought he was enjoying the affection but as it turned out I was suffocating him with my ample bosom. He wasn’t overly impressed with my new ‘giving’. In fact his feedback wasn’t what I was expecting. ‘That’s really creepy, Mum.’

Maybe we’re not overly affectionate people. We hug. We kiss. But it’s a brush past, it’s never been one of those traffic-stopping hugathons that you sometimes witness around here. I’ve tried holding hands with my kids in public. They’re not that into it. They’re like ‘Mum, stop touching me’. I’ve seen people holding hands with their children and I’ve never quite been able to work out whether it’s incredibly touching, or a bit disturbing. There’s a fine line between a beautiful heart connection and suffocating overdependence.

I’ve never been a big fan of over-the-top romantic affection in public. I’ll hold hands with my husband from time to time when we’re walking, or even give him the odd peck. But lining up one of those tonsil-ripping tongue jobs just seems a bit too porn for the street. I’ve seen people all over each other and I’m definitely on the ‘get a room’ side of the fence. It’s uncomfortable being in the presence of people who clearly want to rip each other’s clothes off and bonk their brains out. I’ve been sitting in a public park trying to eat my sausage sandwich while a couple rolled around on the grass grinding and writhing. It’s disgusting. And I’m very, very jealous.


Support The Echo

Keeping the community together and the community voice loud and clear is what The Echo is about. More than ever we need your help to keep this voice alive and thriving in the community.

Like all businesses we are struggling to keep food on the table of all our local and hard working journalists, artists, sales, delivery and drudges who keep the news coming out to you both in the newspaper and online. If you can spare a few dollars a week – or maybe more – we would appreciate all the support you are able to give to keep the voice of independent, local journalism alive.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Interview with Mell Coppin and Zara Noruzi, from Byron Comedy Festival

Byron Bay Comedy Festival: Bringing in the Laughs. Last year wiped out our entire entertainment program, but while things aren’t completely back to normal, it’s looking up. The easing of COVID-19 Public Health restrictions means that smaller events are back!

Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: Aged Care Fail

Our aged care system is broken. We didn’t need a Royal Commission to tell us that many of our old people have been abused by the system that is supposed to care for them. But now we have hard evidence that we are failing our elders. Some of the data that has been released is shocking. One in five residents have experienced sexual or physical abuse.

Sowing the seed for a connected, local food chain

Lisa Machin If you’ve ever been to the New Brighton or Mullum Farmers Markets you’d be forgiven if you thought you were seeing double. Over the...

The moveable feast

David Lowe There’s never been a better time to revisit the classic picnic and its many variants. With many venues moving to focus on outdoor dining...