Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box
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Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: A day in the life of a total wanker
Meet Barry. He likes to wank at the beach. No, that’s not a typo. I didn’t mean to say walk. Walking isn’t Barry’s thing.
3 days ago | Mandy Nolan | % Articles & Columns, Byron Echo, Mandy Nolan's Soap Box -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Mandy Does Mindfulness
Tell anyone you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and you get the same response: ‘You should try mindfulness’. Shit, I was hoping they’d offer to do my washing, or cook me dinner.
11 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 2 Articles & Columns, Byron Echo, Mandy Nolan's Soap Box -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Trump’s toga-town
Like him or loathe him, Donald Trump is King of the Western World. The big orange hamster has found himself on his very own wheel of good fortune, and as Emperor of All he’s fast-tracking the rest of the world to what feels an awful lot like ‘the end of days’.
18 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 3 Articles & Columns, Byron Echo, Mandy Nolan's Soap Box -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box – Corby can’t profit but the media can profit from her
In the next six weeks three of my daughters will be heading overseas for around six months each. It’s a nerve-wracking time for a parent and so far I’ve only had one major piece of advice to give them. Don’t be a drug mule.
25 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 3 Articles & Columns, Byron Echo, Mandy Nolan's Soap Box
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Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: A day in the life of a total wanker
Meet Barry. He likes to wank at the beach. No, that’s not a typo. I didn’t mean to say walk. Walking isn’t Barry’s thing.
3 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 1 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Mandy Does Mindfulness
Tell anyone you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and you get the same response: ‘You should try mindfulness’. Shit, I was hoping they’d offer to do my washing, or cook me dinner.
11 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 2 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Trump’s toga-town
Like him or loathe him, Donald Trump is King of the Western World. The big orange hamster has found himself on his very own wheel of good fortune, and as Emperor of All he’s fast-tracking the rest of the world to what feels an awful lot like ‘the end of days’.
18 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 3 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box – Corby can’t profit but the media can profit from her
In the next six weeks three of my daughters will be heading overseas for around six months each. It’s a nerve-wracking time for a parent and so far I’ve only had one major piece of advice to give them. Don’t be a drug mule.
25 days ago | Mandy Nolan | 3 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Necking Myself
My neck got old. I don’t know how it happened but it seems to have aged. Possibly in dog years. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t remember abusing my neck. Not in the way I’ve abused my liver, my arse or my face.
May 23, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 2 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: The Botox talk
Today Ivy asked me what Botox is. She’s eight. She’d found a humorous card on my bookshelf that depicts a 1950s mother and daughter with the caption ‘You’re never too young for Botox!’. She wanted to know (a) what is Botox and (b) should she be having it?
May 16, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 0 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: I hate Mothers Day
I hate Mothers Day. I hate the picture of motherhood that shows a nice neat mum smiling beatifically on worming medication or holding hands with her family while wearing a white t-shirt and jeans and running on the beach. I don’t do that. I don’t know any mums who do that shit.
May 9, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 6 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: We all wanna change the world…
Albert Einstein once said, ‘The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results’.
May 2, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 1 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: The epigenetics of mother blame
I’m imagining the song from Frozen where Elsa sings ‘Do you want to build a snow man’. Except in my mind, it’s not the snow, but she’s playing in one of those play parks but the climbing frame isn’t a climbing frame, it’s your DNA.
April 25, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 1 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: The beauty rort
Good-looking people get away with more than ugly people. It’s a fact. The only people who wouldn’t agree with this are beautiful people. But that’s because they’ve been batting their long lashes and getting away with murder for years.
April 18, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 3 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: The Incredible Shrinking Man
I did the washing. The four words you don’t want to hear from your husband. I was only gone one day. Why would he do that? After eight years of zero masculine activity in the laundry, why would my husband... Read More →
April 11, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 2 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: The funny thing about dying
No-one likes talking about dying. Once you start talking about dying you think, shit, I’m going to die now. It’s not just superstition. You will die. Not because you tempted fate by scandalously talking of death. Because everyone dies. It’s the only guarantee we have in life.
April 4, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 0 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Sock Theory
I have 132 odd socks. Each week the count goes up. I gather them in a basket in my laundry in the hope that one day they will be re-united with their lost sock mates. The basket of lost socks... Read More →
March 28, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 7 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: The power to stop Adani
Remember that scene in James Bond movies? 007 is in a small room filling up with water. His time is running out. The water keeps rising. The tension is unbearable. Bond is running out of options. That’s what I think... Read More →
March 21, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 7 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Women getting cross
Have you ever stood at a busy intersection waiting for the light to go green and been unable to cross? ‘Damn, it’s a man crossing. And I’m a lady.’ If only there were road crossings for women.
March 14, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 2 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: And… cut
A pair of scissors could save the world. Well, not normal scissors. Gene scissors. Of course these aren’t actual scissors, you can’t Steiner your way through a felt collage with these, these are for scientists into bio-craft. These are CRISPR... Read More →
March 7, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 2 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Sunday bloody Sunday
Last week the Fair Work Commission ruled that Sunday and public-holiday penalty rates will be reduced for full-time and part-time workers in hospitality, retail and the fast-food industry. Well it’s about time! We already know these people are what have been dragging our country down.
February 28, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 12 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Goodbye Boho
Surely we have reached Peak Boho. Surely this trend that kicked off in 2002 is on its last faded cheesecloth-covered legs. If I see any more pseudo-gypsies in flowing dresses attempting to typify the lifestyle of free spirits and hippies in the 1960s and 70s by dressing up as someone who looks like a free spirit, I’ll scream.
February 21, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 26 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Sharing isn’t always caring
Last week lots of my lovely friends on Facebook asked me to share a heart on my wall. Some sort of hold-your-finger-down, share-with-your-gal-pals etc to raise awareness for breast cancer. It’s hard to check your breasts when you’re sharing your... Read More →
February 15, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 6 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Vagina Rising
Having a vagina is hard work. It’s also poorly paid. If you have a vagina, and you work full time, the median wage gap compared to people without vaginas is 21.4 per cent. Vaginas earn less. Clearly we vagina bearers are not only still cleaning the glass ceiling, we’re stuck to the floor.
February 7, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 4 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: It’s a sham
If Dr Seuss were alive today he’d be writing the product claims for hair products. Clearly, where science fails, fiction takes its place. Like Seuss, the creative departments at the hair companies seem to have a peculiar talent for making... Read More →
January 31, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 2 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Council calls for tourist net
Authorities are concerned that the shark netting of some north coast beaches has created a bigger environmental threat than they initially expected. With the netting of sharks, the area has experienced huge numbers of tourists. Some are even saying that... Read More →
January 24, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 5 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: Turning Motherese
Every time I speak to a baby I use that stupid high-pitched voice. I don’t know why. I can’t stop it. I see a baby and I start talking like a lunatic. I make my words long and drawn out like helloooooooooo baybeeee. It just looks at me. I think it likes me. I think it likes the baby-talk, so I keep going.
January 17, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 0 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: the option to Pass
You can’t live here without having a favourite beach. I love The Pass. I love the way the shore is fringed by pandanus. The rock that we used to climb as a lookout that now has an official staircase and platform because too many dickheads were making the scramble.
January 10, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 26 -
Mandy Nolan’s Soap Box: the circle of life
Nothing makes you feel older than going to a music festival. Earlier this week I immersed myself in a sea of side boob, front boob and under boob at Byron’s Falls Festival. In fact I think they should consider rebranding... Read More →
January 3, 2017 | Mandy Nolan | 7
Mandy Nolan
Mandy Nolan has performed as a standup comedian for more than 20 years. During that time, she has worked alongside celebrities such as Whoopi Goldberg, Ertha Kit, and Bob Downe. Amid a full schedule of live acts, television and radio appearances, a weekly press column in The Echo and a comedy course (did we mention she also has five children?), Mandy also finds time as a MC, presenter and conference facilitator.
See Mandy’s Soapbox every week here in Echonetdaily.
