27.6 C
Byron Shire
April 16, 2024

Buoyancy NSW embraces seachange

Latest News

School holidays at the market

Victoria Cosford School holidays shouldn’t only be holidays for children. Parents too are entitled to a break in routine, the...

Other News

Aid workers killed

I along with the Israeli and Jewish community in general mourn with the rest of the world for the...

Jack Evans Boat Harbour upgrade to provide vital access to water as climate warms

Having somewhere to swim (or just connect with water), like a country town swimming pool, the local creek or river swimming hole, or the ocean, is important in a hot country like Australia.

Man charged over alleged robbery – Kyogle

A man will appear in court today charged over the alleged armed robbery of chemist in Kyogle.

Rains, drains, floods

The ABC news and Guardian recently published reports of the potential return of La Niña in 2024 bringing similar...

Mayor’s Wallum negotiations unsupported

An update on closed-door deals around the controversial Wallum development by Mayor Michael Lyon has been criticised as not providing any commitment, trading one endangered species for another, while also ignoring the input from the Save Wallum group.

Has the state government responded effectively to the 2022 flood and other disasters? 

The NSW Reconstruction Authority (NSW RA) is under examination to look at how it has managed the response to the 2022 floods and other disasters.

Most of the islands of the Archipelago of Byron. The lighthouse was in for repairs on the day the photo was taken. Photo Lux Tonnerre flickr.com/photos/luxtonnerre.

After the clusterfuck that was Resilience NSW in 2022, premier Dominic Parrottoe recognised the need to face up to the wet future, especially for the Archipelago of Byron Shire.

The premier-for-life, a fashion imported from China and accompanied by large men with guns, arranged for Buoyancy NSW to be set up for water-treading locals after all the viable real estate development opportunities had been shuffled off to Liberal Party mates.

The new government agency proved phenomenally successful, especially in providing swimming lessons to the accompaniment of disco beats. Private enterprise also played its part with, for example, the Mullumbimby Woolworths chaining up the nearby floating rescue pods to its supermarket yacht, and offering dispossessed residents a ten per cent discount on sliced cheese, brought all the way on wind-powered barges from the last remaining dairy farms in the Himalayas.

The former land-bound Byron Shire found itself with more money than it knew what to do with, apart from snorting some of it up in powder form on glass-top coffee tables in the Station Street compound. The new Archipelago required no roadmaking and no pothole-filling, and bin collection was arranged by dolphins that had some secretive underwater project in mind.

Councillor Duncan Dey, a man who knew about water and the fact it ran downhill, was appointed Chief Aquanaut. He introduced a cost-effective island-hopping ferry service and floating tennis courts, a pet hobby of his inspired by years of lobbing back and forth urgency and rescission motions among councillors chiefly interested in keeping their seats warm during torrential downpours.

Some of the famous Byron traditions continued in renewed forms. Airbnbs became Seabnbs. Drumming circles were performed in underwater capsules, much to the delight of residents who strangely had no interest in loud drumming. The Hemsworth Museum of Curiosities featured an exhibition of taxidermied unrestrained dogs that drowned in the deluge of 2023, and that was visited daily by relieved wallabies and nesting seabirds.

Up in what was once the hills, the last of the 1970s new settlers elaborated upon their conspiracy narratives and posted them to Wetbook, the social media platform that took over from the bankrupt Twitter and the Metaverse that disappeared up some cosmic rectum, not accounted for by the lyrical musings of Brian Cox. The NSW Police Marine Force decided not to investigate the settlers’ crops when they realised they were often guarded by meth-enhanced bull sharks.

Apart from the climate emergency and the welcome interventions by Buoyancy NSW, life in the Byron Archipelago continued much as it always had. People laughed, people cried, people danced, and others had scars on their hands from trying to open oysters with dodgy knives.


Support The Echo

Keeping the community together and the community voice loud and clear is what The Echo is about. More than ever we need your help to keep this voice alive and thriving in the community.

Like all businesses we are struggling to keep food on the table of all our local and hard working journalists, artists, sales, delivery and drudges who keep the news coming out to you both in the newspaper and online. If you can spare a few dollars a week – or maybe more – we would appreciate all the support you are able to give to keep the voice of independent, local journalism alive.

3 COMMENTS

  1. Very good 😉
    May I suggest anchoring the SS Byron off the coast of Norfolk. I think they would get along with each other quite well.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

New chef at Crystalbrook Byron

Joachim Borenius has been appointed as the new executive chef at Crystalbrook Byron resort’s signature restaurant, Forest. Joachim Borenius brings a wealth of experience, gathered...

Jungle Juice – squeezing the most out of life!

Four years ago, Guido and Natalia Annoni decided to swap the rat race for the jungle – heading north from Sydney with their kids...

Local grom takes national tube-riding prize

Local grom takes national tube-riding prize. Broken Head surfer Leihani Zoric has taken out first place in the U/14 girls and best barrel (girl) categories of the Australian Junior Online Surf Championships.