Cinema Review: Show Dogs

This is one of the crappiest movies in the long and mind-numbing history of crappy movies. The concluding credits are rolled with a collection of bloopers, none of which appear to be much different from the main fare that preceded them – which is to say, the entire 92 minutes blooped. That it has 3/10 on the IMdB ratings suggests that the entire cast and crew, plus their families and mates, adhered to the political rallying cry of ‘vote early, vote often!’ Nobody expects to see great art at the cinema during school holidays (although occasionally you will get a ‘Toy Story 3’), but local distributors reveal an utterly contemptuous opinion of their audience by serving them tripe such as this. Shame on you, Hoyts. Max, a cop Rotweiller (voiced by comic actor Ludacris), must go undercover with his human buddy, Frank (Will Arnett), to sort out some narky business going in the show-dog circuit. Because I was exposed to talking animals way back when Mr Ed the horse was regularly getting the better of his owner, Wilbur, I don’t have a problem with our furry friends having mastered English, but these ones can only speak among themselves and their lines aren’t funny. The bad guy turns out to be a smuggler of valued creatures, with the focal point of his villainy being a cute little panda. Stanley Tucci slums it as a French pooch and Shaquille O’Neill continues the slide from his status as an obscenely overpaid basketball player to being a dreadlocked white mutt called Karma. Of course, it’s aimed at children, so an adult’s scorn should not be taken into account, but the kids surrounding me were likewise unimpressed, if their silence and bored restlessness was anything to go by – the only time they laughed out loud was when Max broke wind when being bathed, producing a volcanic eruption of bubbles at his rear end (but who doesn’t like a fart joke?). Perhaps Prime Minister Trumble could impose a tariff on such rubbish?

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