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Byron Shire
May 25, 2024

Failing beauty to blame for male violence?

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Charles MacFarland, Ewingsdale

Mandy Nolan’s discussion of male violence (Echo, 14 Nov) reminded me of a question that has troubled me for some time: What is it about women that makes some men so violent?

Do these men go around beating up everybody? Picking fights with their mates? Assaulting random people in the street? No. What is it about women that triggers off these men?

I have two guesses: One is that women lose their looks as they age. Men marry a beautiful girl; by and by her beauty disappears. It’s not surprising some men feel betrayed.

The other is what happens when babies come. The man married a woman and they were the focus of each other’s lives, but now the woman’s focus changes. The babies are first.

The babies need the mother; without a mother’s concern, human babies might not survive. The man cares for the babies too, but he has lost his first place. On top of this, when the babies come, the money goes, as it says in that famous poem: The young man looks on his first baby born / He has spent all his money for life. Some men resent this a lot.

Some people will imagine I’m blaming women. I’m not. Some people will imagine I’m defending men. I’m not.

Other explanations? I’d love to hear them. It’s more helpful to try to understand what’s happening than to make strident attacks.

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  1. Really? The reason some men are violent towards women is because they are ‘betrayed’ by their wives getting older, or resent attention paid to children.
    Do your brilliant insights come with any solutions? I suggest you make perpetual youth available to all, and rewire women so that the comfort of men is their focus, no matter what else is happening. There, problem solved.
    You are an embarrassment to all non-violent men, Charles, and an encouragement to violent ones.

  2. Men have been blaming women for their own criminal behaviour since time began. Time to grow up, stop blame shifting and take responsibility fellars.

    Why on earth is the Echo printing these appalling letters? This is News Corp stuff.

  3. Do you think men retain all their physical beauty as the age? Funny thing but from my perspective my partner has.

    I think the explanation as to why SOME men inflict violence on their intimate partners (as opposed to random strangers or mates) has much to do with the reason why dogs lick their scrotums – because they can.

    • Spot on Liz.

      If women beat/murdered all the fat, old, ugly, annoying men, who spend most of their time off huntin’ fishin’ shootin’ drinkin’ with their mates, at the same rate women are beaten/murdered there would be bodies everywhere and a sunami of outrage from the Charles MacFarlands of this world.

      No decent person should be trying to justify/make excuses for the level of violence against women and children.

      It needs to stop NOW!

  4. He’s just trying to open up a conversation …. give him a break.
    Sheesh !

    as for my two cents?
    Only Dickheads hit a woman. Don’t be dickhead. Ever.

  5. Charles, one might suggest we teach young men that ageing is inevitable (in both men and women), and that youth and beauty are not what society should value.
    One might also suggest we teach young men that becoming a grown up, and parent brings with it, responsibility and sacrifice.
    One might also teach young men that with these lessons comes the opportunity to be a better partner and father and experience love in more powerful ways.
    Heck, one might call it….ending toxic masculinity.

  6. Flawed argument for so many obvious reasons, the main ones being
    – women don’t get uglier as they get older
    – young women are attacked by men
    – children are attacked by men
    – women are able to split their focus between children, work, partner, community life, etc

    Comments like these do not open conversations, they just keep women defending themselves.

  7. It is scary that a lot of men may think this way. Such a double standard. A former boss of mine was complaining loudly to the guys at work, in a lunchroom full of men and women, that the longer he was married, the less sex he got. He was blaming his wife for this situation, seeking sympathy from the men and warning them it could happen to them too.The thought crossed my mind “Maybe she doesn’t find you attractive any more, Maybe she thinks you’ve let yourself go” (he is bald and obese) but of course I didn’t say anything. Seems it is a lot to do with (some) men’s sense of entitlement and their need to feel powerful. If they don’t feel powerful at work or life in general, they feel the need to exert power at home. And how dare a woman embarrass them in front of their friends and family by actually standing up for herself and walking out?


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