Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: The COVID Conspiracy

Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: The COVID Conspiracy

You can’t have a pandemic without a conspiracy theory. The COVID-19 conspiracies have sprung up almost as quickly as the virus. Some are incurable. One is that the American government developed it and brought it over to the International Military Games, held in Wuhan, in October 2019. The theory posits this was to cripple the rising Chinese superpower. Unfortunately, although the dates line up, America seems to have brought itself down as well. Two sick superpowers equals very stupidpower. So that conspiracy theory goes on the stupidity-is-a-pandemic-too heap.

Then there’s the theory that the Chinese developed COVID-19 to kill pensioners. While it certainly would free up a lot of property, some seats on the bus, and get rid of those pesky elderly, it is both racist and entirely irrational to believe the Chinese are into geronticide. There are much more efficient and targeted ways of killing the elderly – westerners have been using loneliness, abandonment and incarceration in nursing homes for years.
We’re loving the Made In China conspiracies – particularly the one that COVID-19 was created to destroy the Western economic system. If that were the case, they’re doing pretty well, but seeing as China gets so much of its wealth and power from the Western economic system, it’s financially illogical.

Then there’s the 5G theory. Wuhan has the new 5G. This theory purports that the deaths aren’t from the virus – but from a cell break-down that mimics a virus. It doesn’t explain the contagion aspect, that is, how people who live in areas where there is no 5G get the virus. Unless… when you sneeze, the 5G comes out of your nose. And did you know that 5G can stay on a metal surface for days!? Thank god for Spray and Wipe! Furthermore, tests for 5G actually started in Germany, not China. And if it was the 5G flu, then the pandemic would have kicked off there. Actually, if it was the 5G flu then it would make sense – because we’ve never needed super-fast internet more than we do now! Dying for a phone plan? Worldwide 5G is here, but soon you won’t be!

Another theory is that it’s Bill Gates. Apparently there’s a 2015 coronavirus patent for the development of a vaccine for a specific type of coronavirus found in chickens. It’s been argued that the Gates Foundation funded the 2015 patent, and engineered a global pandemic for personal profit. Gates then gave a presentation at the Massachusetts Medical Society and New England Journal of Medicine event in 2018, and discussed how the global health community would be equipped if we had a pandemic of something like the Spanish flu. This might seem like too much to be a coincidence, but the medical community have been having this discussion since the 1918 pandemic. And Gatesy only has the vax patent for the chicken variant.
So, if it’s not big pharma… is it Big Toilet Paper? Is COVID-19 a Kimberley-Clarke creation? Instead of chemtrails, will planes release toilet paper in long white streaks across the sky?
Some think there was a relationship between the virus and the Corona beer manufacturers. 38 per cent of people surveyed in a study in the US wouldn’t buy the beer anymore, and their stock price plummeted to an all time low. I don’t know if that’s a causal conspiracy, or just proof of stupidity.

So, who benefits the most from social distancing and self-confinement? Netflix. And guess what their new docuseries is? It’s called Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak. Now that’s an impressive international marketing strategy! It’s a shame it wasn’t released last year. Or was it?

This coronavirus is real. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s time to stay calm. Connect with your community via your devices. Be nice to your family. Go outside and do some gardening. Sit in the sun. Wash your hands. Stay socially distanced. Don’t believe bullshit reports, or circulate fear-causing memes. Laugh. It will boost your immunity. And be bloody grateful (again) that you don’t live in America.

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10 responses to “Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: The COVID Conspiracy”

  1. Anne says:

    Great Mandy but where did you get your spray and wipe? Alas it is but a memory on supermarket shelves around here.

  2. Frank Andreas says:

    Oh yeah,for the love of a good Conspiracy Theorie: try Bob Dylans track “Murder Most Foul”

  3. Andrew Bradley says:

    As a person who assisted Nick and David to get the Echo started I would like to offer the only believable conspiracy theory regarding Covid 19.
    “Due to climate change, an ageing population and a world economy that had topped out world leaders got together and decided that for the greater good the virus was the only way to stop the spiral to global devastation.
    How else could the ridiculous amount of plane travel be stopped? How else to reset the world economy? How else to remove the terrible burden of an elderly and unproductive population?
    As soon as the goals are reached there will be a miraculous vaccine released. For once the authorities have got it right.

  4. Carpenter Craig says:

    ”It doesn’t explain the contagion aspect, that is, how people who live in areas where there is no 5G get the virus.“
    After researching the map of ‘coronaa carnage, in nsw only, it appears where 5G has been present or someone has been in a 5 G area ie on the cruise boat, or in the heart of UK or in CBD. areas .
    Sydney Armidale and New England Area where it has been rolled out for military purposes have the majority of the cases. We have only 3 people in hospital as of yesterday from tweed to Grafton. There details or age and past travel and accomodation areas have not been made available yet.
    Tjere is only one woman who has died at 81 years in Lismore. Did she visit her family in the city ? Or take a drive through the plains of Armidale recently ? Or has she a lung condition and travelled or slept next to the wifi outlet in her house ?
    The Germans are using a different implementation system and they are smart. Smart enough to preserve their own race over the course of history whilst wiping out millions of others.

    One can ask the questions
    How much sunlight and quality nutrition do u think the Wuhan people would have in anyone week? Theta are reported to be working 10 hour days with one day off.

    “Unless… when you sneeze, the 5G comes out of your nose. And did you know that 5G can stay on a metal surface for days!
    Says who ? Our government ? The labs run by who ?

  5. I sprayed myself with a full can of Spray & Wipe.
    It works well but I can’t see straight. Pretend
    kisses & hugs to all Echo people.

  6. Margaret Santone says:

    I suggest you all read The Biggest Secret – and check out David Icke on this matter!

  7. Yuti McLean says:

    Thank you Mandy. So lovely to hear fresh sane commentary on these tiring irritating conspiracies theories which are often delivered with a lot of force and nil interest in the recipients perspective or lack of interest.

  8. Triny says:

    I heard it was made so when they bring the vaccine out, they can microchip us all at the same time!

  9. Jacqueline says:

    Wouldn’t be the first time the American people would willingly sacrifice their own people for the ‘higher good’. Goverments dont control politics anyway. Like most things corona virus is real and probably mutifactorial in origin and may be also facilitated by 5G technology…. Virus DNA is always changing and adapting to its environment, helped or not. It’s mother natures deadly messenger and we are finally listening. Most people are delighted to have some time at home, do some long ignored jobs including playing with the kids or walking the dog. And our gardens and health are getting a vital boost. At least we get to take a breath as gaia is also doing and yes lets focus on the positives for the sake of our immune systems alone.

  10. Thank you Mandy! I’m reminded of a Pauline Hanson billboard I saw in Qld during the last election: “I’ve got the guts to say what you’re thinking”. The difference between you and Pauline is that you also have the intelligence to know what I’m thinking – but you say it better than me.

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