Simon Alderton, Murwillumbah
We continue the riveting saga of 2020’s most celebrated man in the state… the NSW Cross Border Commissioner. In this week’s episode of Yes, Commissioner, our besieged hero receives an email from a disgruntled resident of Byron Bay.
The secretary enters the Commissioner’s office wheeling a tray of fresh coffee and cake, while the great man himself works tirelessly on his computer.
Commissioner: Ahhh… secretary, any news for me today?
Secretary: Good morning Commissioner. You have one email.
Commissioner: An email! For moi? How exciting, who’s it from? (rubbing hands in eager anticipation) Is it from Gladys?
Sec: I’m afraid not Commissioner. It’s one of those not-so-nice letters. This one’s from a Fleur in Byron Bay.
Com: Oh dear… one of those! But, hang on, Byron Bay isn’t in my jurisdiction is it?
Sec: Shall we have a look Commissioner?
The Commissioner and his secretary get out a giant magnifying glass to study a map of NSW. Some moments later…
Com: Ohh… I found it!
Com and Sec together: (gasping in shock) Byron Bay really is in NSW.
Com: Oh well, go on. What does she want?
Sec: Well, she says she needs a specialist, but can’t get to her nearest one because she hasn’t got a border exemption.
Com: Which border may that be?
Sec: Ummm? Shall we take a look?
The Commissioner and Secretary return to their map to determine which border is Fleur’s local.
Sec: Looks like Queensland, Commissioner.
Com: (laughing in relief) QUEENSLAND! Haha, not our problem. Forward it up to those banana bending hillbillies in Brisbane. Now, back to my game…
Sec: But, Commissioner, she also says that if you don’t take personal responsibility, she’ll go to the media.
Com: MEDIA! The hide of these people! Oh, what to do? What to do? Any suggestions secretary?
Sec: Well, my nephew once went to Byron Bay for schoolies and said it was full of drug fucked hippie degenerates.
Com: Ahhhh… this is why you get paid slightly more than the checkout chicks at Maccas. Call the vice squad immediately and have the place raided. And see what they can pin on this renegade, Fleur.