On 13 July I am four years sober.
I am one of a growing number of people who decided to quit alcohol. It’s one of the best decisions of my life. My only regret is I didn’t do it sooner. I am more alert. I am more present in my relationships. I am less self-focused. I am healthier. I am more efficient. I am a better listener. I am more reliable. I am a better mother. A better partner. A better friend. I am in short, a better person. I may be boring, but I don’t mind. It’s a small price to pay for so much wellbeing.
I’ve been sober in the company of people who’ve drunk too much, and they are pretty dull too. Especially when they hug you and tell you they love you and repeat the same story for the fifth time in slow, slurred speech. I’ve been that person. It’s so good to know now, that when I repeat myself it’s not booze, it’s just age-related cognitive decline!
My drinking was social. It was heavy but not out of control. I didn’t secret drink. I didn’t drink in the morning. I drank at 5pm. But only if I wasn’t working – because I usually had to drive. So not every night. But never one glass. Never two. If I opened a bottle I would be compelled to finish it. My husband would have two glasses and I would have four, never after dinner, just before. Just to sit on the couch. I’d fall asleep, then wake up and wander to bed, only to wake at 3am in a sweat, anxious and wired, unable to go back to sleep. I blamed menopause. It never occurred to me that the poison I imbibed – because alcohol is a poison – was torturing my exhausted liver.
My liver had no time to deal with any of the other vital 500 functions it performs like filtering blood or processing nutrients, regulating metabolism, producing bile for digestion, storing vitamins and synthesising essential proteins so my blood can clot. It was busy getting rid of the alcohol I poured in most nights. So when I gave up drinking, a few months down the track I noticed what I thought was menopause symptoms, just vanish.
Turns out being foggy was in fact a hangover. I just refused to admit it. If you are a menopausal woman suffering with intense symptoms, I suggest trying a few months sans alcohol. It may not cure all your symptoms, but they will definitely be less intense.
But be warned. When you stop drinking, all the things inside you that you have tried to avoid – your feelings of shame or self-loathing, all your unaddressed trauma, all that you have buried will surface. I hadn’t realised how self-avoidant I was. It required so much more energy to run, then it did to stop and feel. I stopped running. I faced my shadow. There is a calm that comes after a few years sober. I hadn’t realised how truly different I felt.
I have learnt things about myself sober. Like there’s a reason all my children have been diagnosed as ADHD and/or OCD. It is not their fathers. I am the common denominator, the genetic source of the neuro-spicy. Funny. When I was drinking I would have told you I was neurotypical. Because I was medicating my brain. Sober, I get to see who I am. I don’t always love it, but I’m learning. I don’t medicate. I no longer think about my 5pm glass of wine at 2pm. In fact, I don’t think about alcohol at all. It’s left my bloodstream and my brain. My unmedicated hyperfocused, relentlessly busy brain is now my superpower.
Although, I don’t ‘chill’ naturally. It’s what I used booze for. I am busy. It’s my happy space.
People still ask me if I miss it. And to be honest, I don’t miss drinking. At all.
I never wake up wishing I’d drunk the night before.
I never wake up in dread. With a headache. With shame. Or regret. With holes in my memory about the night before.
I wake up feeling good.
Giving up drinking is not for everyone. Lots of people manage their alcohol intake with moderate self-control. But that was never me.
If you are reading this and your skin is prickling. If you feel discomfort tinged with curiosity, then a stab of panic. Then maybe you should try being alcohol free for a period.
It just so happens it’s Dry July.
I may have quit drinking. But I took up really living.
If you want to listen to a little more of my sober story – and a fabulous podcast – jump on Danni Carr’s: ‘How I Quit Alcohol’. My recent chat is episode 379 – but there are a plethora of stories there that will inspire sobriety.
Mandy Nolan’s column has appeared in The Echo for almost 25 years. She is a writer, comedian and artist, and was the Greens candidate at the past two federal elections.
For four decades The Echo has printed the stories some people loved, some people hated, and some pretended not to read. If you want us to keep telling the truth, the real truth, not the sugar-coated version. We’ll need your support to keep the presses rolling. 
