It would appear we can’t have marriage equality in this country because Tony doesn’t like it. It makes him uncomfortable. I don’t know why. I wouldn’t imagine he’s getting a lot of invites to same-sex weddings. I don’t imagine there are too many loving gay couples putting an empty seat aside for Mr Abbott just in case he decides to cross the floor and the sexuality divide at the same time. He’s like the Grinch who stole gay weddings. I even doubt he’d make the short list for his own sister’s girl-on-girl hitchup.
I don’t understand why same-sex marriage upsets him so much. It’s not like he’s being forced to watch. He doesn’t have to marry Joe Hockey. Same-sex marriage, Tony believes, clashes with his religious beliefs, which he once declared would never interfere with his political acumen. In fact this is what he said: ‘Faith is important to me. It’s important to millions of Australians. It helps shape who I am. It helps to shape my values. But it must never, never dictate my politics.’
Hang on, Tone, isn’t the same-sex debate a debate around values? So Mr believer in the superiority of the penis-in-vagina political position (clearly a missionary man, I’d say), your continual opposition to gay marriage makes it evident that your Jesus Brain is getting in the way of your Political Brain.
You don’t need a referendum to gauge that the majority of Australians support same sex marriage. We’re into it. This public hoo-hah is embarrassing and makes us look like a nation of homophobes. Even Tony’s own party isn’t entirely opposed. They’d love a chance for a conscience vote. (If they can still find it… we are talking politicians.) When it comes to passing a same-sex marriage bill even his mate Malcolm is all good to go. Mr Turnbull is happy with same-sex unions, so why not our prime minister? Tony is clinging on to his belief that marriage is ‘a union between a man and a woman’. He’s probably still punching on in the belief that the earth is flat and George Pell doesn’t protect paedophiles.
I have never understood why penis-in-vagina is the dominant accepted relationship model and why it must trump penis or vagina squared. It reduces sexuality and human relationships to a game of scissors, paper rock. ‘Penis in vagina beats penis–penis. And vagina–vagina.’ At least scissors get to cut paper and paper gets to wrap rock and rock gets to bash scissors. Poor old penis–penis and vagina–vagina don’t even get a look-in. They get bashed, wrapped and cut at every turn.
Tony’s disapproval for same-sex marriage isn’t new. Only a few years back he had to defuse criticism and deny describing same-sex marriage as ‘fashion of the moment’. While the gay community were excited to find out that their sexual orientation had suddenly – according to the Trend-Predicting Tonester – become ‘fashionable’, the assertion was diminishing to the humanity of those whose sexual orientation has nothing to do with fashion. Namely: the entire gay community, their children, their siblings, their parents and their friends.
Same-sex marriage is not just for same-sex couples; it also allows their extended family and friend groups, their work colleagues, and their community to acknowledge and celebrate their relationship. Just as we do with people with opposing genitalia.
The other day I came across one of those right-wing Christian memes on Facebook that pictured an attractive white woman sitting on the lawn with her Ken-doll husband and their two children, a boy and girl of course. White, with nice teeth. No glasses. Not disabled, black, fat, tattooed, ethnic or dwarfs. The text said, ‘Only a mum can be a mum and a dad a dad’. But why can’t a mum be a man? Or a dad be a mum? I was raised by a single mum who put in some pretty good dad hours. I still can’t see what parenting or love has to do with the pairing of opposing genitalia.
However, I did think up a better slogan for the image and it was inspired by Tone; it says, ‘Only a bigot can be a bigot’. Or ‘A bigot can be a mum. A bigot can be a dad.’ A violent abusive man or woman can be a mum or a dad. Hitler was a dad. Sexual orientation doesn’t protect from deviation. Some straight mums are shit. Some straight dads are shit. Straight dads are killing about one straight mum a week.’
Maybe we should focus less on authenticating unions based on genitals and more on people’s ability to have respectful loving relationships. I’m all for mixing up the mum and dad roles. It’s about time we got rid of limiting mum and dad and replaced it with new gender-neutral roles that reflect what it’s really like to parent, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
No more dad and mum, what about mad and dum? This same-sex marriage issue isn’t just a moral and legal dilemma – it’s an IQ test. Only bigoted stupid people don’t support same-sex marriage. Unfortunately our dumbest bloke is prime minister. Now that’s mad and dum.