‘Alternative Prime Minister’ is a new Slightly-Drunk-Ted-Talk from Mark Swivel, Accredited Near Dead White Male.TM As our indifference turns to anger, Mark hits the hustings to kiss babies and sizzle sausages. Expect banter, singing, fiscal rectitude – fully costed silly-buggers that strays dangerously close to common sense! So as Australia Day approaches let’s find out how our Alternative Prime Minister ticks…
If I were PM the first thing I would do is… ring Trump, laugh for 90 seconds, ask what it’s like to have such tiny hands. So small. And hang up.
The dumbest thing… is that we are about to replace Malcolm with Bill Shorten, and all our TVs will turn black and white.
Economic rationalism is… The smallpox of our time.
Australia Day is… like Kevin Andrews, unnecessary, out-of-date and creepy.
The national dress should be… worn by the PM on the first day of parliament. A PM needs a good drag name. Judy Free? Julie Noted? Female PMs can suit themselves.
If I were to design the flag I would… use Perspex, or a match. We don’t need one. Flags are the worst thing about every country.
The national anthem should be… Treaty – Yothu Yindi; Know Your Product – The Saints; orTouch Myself – The Divinyls.
If I were PM I would introduce a public holiday for… public holidays. To celebrate our success as a diverse nation committed to evidence-based history we need a special day.
Prime ministers are best… conceptually.
If I were to create a new party it would be… The Come Together Party. Right now. Over me.
The best thing about Aussie politics is… anyone can have a go.
The worst thing about Aussie politics is… um, see above.
Which Aussie politicians living or dead would you invite to dinner… Al Grassby (knew where the bodies were buried, and how to dress); Cheryl Kernot (still have a massive mind/body crush on her); and Fred Paterson (only communist elected to parliament – a lunatic from regional Queensland!).
He plays The Citadel at Murwillumbah on Friday 9 Feb, Lismore City Hall Fountain Room on Friday 16 Feb and Mullum Ex-Services on Friday 23 Feb