An announcement today from Scott Morrison has shocked Canberra, with the Prime Minister saying he will step down from his position at noon or 1pm, whichever is more convenient for the media.
Preferring not to hold a media conference, Mr Morrison made his announcement via a press release in the early hours of this morning.
‘Regrettably,’ he said, ‘I have seen the error of my ways and if nothing else, the Northern Rivers floods have shown me once and for all that the climate crisis can no longer be denied.
‘In fact, I have to admit that the stunt with the lump of coal in parliament in 2017 was exactly that: a stunt.
‘Legally, I suppose I am culpable to a certain degree, it would actually be impossible to hold a lump of coal like that and not get one’s Armani dirty.
‘Fortunately for me, that particular piece of coal was lacquered within an inch of its life so there was no chance of any black rubbing off, but, I thought the Australian public would have seen through my trick – everyone knows coal is a dirty as all get up!
‘Of course this was wrong, and I’m sorry to have misled the Australian public in such a way.’
Offering up his position as leader of the country is not the only announcement that the PM made today. The soon to be ex-Prime Minister also announced that he would be leaving politics altogether. ‘I will be taking a position as the head of the Hillsong Church. If you want to do something right you have to do it yourself and recent times have shown that Hillsong has lost its way. I feel that it’s my way now – it’s probably always been the path that I should have been on.
‘Like Moses, being the leader of this wonderful institution was always my calling, and also like Moses, I was distracted along the way. I feel that this is really what I am supposed to be doing, and I can benefit the people of Australia by taking a religious path.’
Standing down has turned the Liberal Party upside-down as the feeding frenzy begins. This morning Liberals across the board are jostling for position – in particular Josh Frydenberg and Peter Dutton.
Dutton told the ABC this morning that it was only natural that he take the top job, as he is the person most qualified and he has the biggest and best portfolios. He also has the army and police at his beck and call to enforce his intentions.
As for Barnaby Joyce, The Nats leader was not available for comment this early as he was sleeping off last night’s red.
Yesterday’s photos of the Lismore floods on The Echo’s online news service are believed to have been the last straw in the Prime Minister’s battle to stay on top. ‘I actually just can’t take it anymore,’ said Mr Morrison. ‘I feel like everything I say is fake news.’
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