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November 29, 2022

Breaking news: Prime Minister set to resign today

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Photo Facebook.

An announcement today from Scott Morrison has shocked Canberra, with the Prime Minister saying he will step down from his position at noon or 1pm, whichever is more convenient for the media.

Preferring not to hold a media conference, Mr Morrison made his announcement via a press release in the early hours of this morning.

‘Regrettably,’ he said, ‘I have seen the error of my ways and if nothing else, the Northern Rivers floods have shown me once and for all that the climate crisis can no longer be denied.

‘In fact, I have to admit that the stunt with the lump of coal in parliament in 2017 was exactly that: a stunt.

‘Legally, I suppose I am culpable to a certain degree, it would actually be impossible to hold a lump of coal like that and not get one’s Armani dirty.

‘Fortunately for me, that particular piece of coal was lacquered within an inch of its life so there was no chance of any black rubbing off, but, I thought the Australian public would have seen through my trick – everyone knows coal is a dirty as all get up!

‘Of course this was wrong, and I’m sorry to have misled the Australian public in such a way.’

Offering up his position as leader of the country is not the only announcement that the PM made today. The soon to be ex-Prime Minister also announced that he would be leaving politics altogether.  ‘I will be taking a position as the head of the Hillsong Church. If you want to do something right you have to do it yourself and recent times have shown that Hillsong has lost its way. I feel that it’s my way now – it’s probably always been the path that I should have been on.

Photo Facebook.

‘Like Moses, being the leader of this wonderful institution was always my calling, and also like Moses, I was distracted along the way. I feel that this is really what I am supposed to be doing, and I can benefit the people of Australia by taking a religious path.’

Standing down has turned the Liberal Party upside-down as the feeding frenzy begins. This morning Liberals across the board are jostling for position – in particular Josh Frydenberg and Peter Dutton.

Dutton told the ABC this morning that it was only natural that he take the top job, as he is the person most qualified and he has the biggest and best portfolios. He also has the army and police at his beck and call to enforce his intentions.

As for Barnaby Joyce, The Nats leader was not available for comment this early as he was sleeping off last night’s red.

Yesterday’s photos of the Lismore floods on The Echo’s online news service are believed to have been the last straw in the Prime Minister’s battle to stay on top. ‘I actually just can’t take it anymore,’ said Mr Morrison. ‘I feel like everything I say is fake news.’

 

 

A little April Fool fun.


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42 COMMENTS

  1. This is fake news. How can you even post this article? I suppose the Echo isn’t a trustworthy news source at all. Cite sources if I’m wrong. F#@4ing weird

    • Anon, you right.
      Morrison has never accepted responsibility or accountability for anything, he can do no wrong, has absolutely nothing to resign over.
      He has done such a kickarse job of affairs he needs to be rewarded – PM for Life.
      We’ll save a fortune not needing those pesky 3 yearly elections and pissing away $’smillions of taxpayer hard earned on the bullshit of election bribes on Pork Barrel Night aka Budget Night.

      • You wait and see what other politicians do when in power. Are you all so naïve to think it will be any better! Hide behind rocks and throw sticks all of you. No-one has any ideas of their own just derision and complaint.

  2. lol, had me with that headline, but reading the quotes it was quite obvious that Scotty would never say those things,

    if only we would say/feel that way.

    I think we’ll have to wait till mid May.

  3. Well that made me ecstatic for about 5 seconds. Unfortunately the resignation was the only untruth.
    You’re such teasers, dammit!!

  4. Yeah ……… glad someone’s got some wit and moxie ! To the Echo’s credit: it was the first news i read for the day .. that puts you at #1.

    Send it far and wide and it might take hold just leave Dutton out !

  5. Don’t be fooled. It really is true.
    The Echo’s April Fool’s joke is to make us think otherwise. A brilliant double deception.
    What glorious news, and what a blessing for Hillsong.

  6. Although it is April 1st. This is not funny and causes stress with some people. You should be ashamed of yourselves as this has hit Google search and is just mischievous. This “joke” has done it for me. Never again will I read this paper which openly supports the Greens and Labour and has little or no balance. I daresay my absence won’t be noticed and even applauded in some areas. Goodbye

    • Hold on a minute, are you saying the Prime Minister has not done these things? I have been home crook for the pandemic have watched all news outlets, read all news outlets have watched question time. Scott Morrison is MIA until that unguided nasty bully starts arrogantly screaming at the opposition. Do yourself a favour and watch, he is out of date and that is dangerous for the people, I have also heard Dutton he too is dangerous. C’mon Chris we needs manners, respect, comments like lets see if that is possible? What is with all the abuse and shouting? Thats not tough its old, its entrenched, its unenlightened ! If you cannot see that then I guess really it is normal to you, small circles nothing new no progression yeah nah he really has to go . He can take Dutton and unfortunately Fredenburg had no exit strategy for the job keeper programme which cost this country millions of dollars and business’s laughing at him as a treasurer. Now when people are crippled nothing I say Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Chris !

  7. Just as well it was an April Fool’s day joke. It would actually be a very smart move by the coalition. PM Frydenberg, or even PM Dutton would save a lot of their furniture in the looming landslide for Labor, just as Rudd’s second go did for Labor in 2013.

  8. You deserve to have your business closed for publishing this story, what a disgrace. Do some real work you tossers

  9. Sense of humour bypass, Chris? All very Monty Pythonesque. Like 1st April, all things must pass.l

    Stick around; we do need contrarians, sticks in the mud and the perpetually outraged for – as you say – balance.

    And if everyone’s woke, we need more hard-core sleepers – again for balance 🙂

    • Doesn’t matter, there is another Selection shortly for which life time actor gets to pretend to be making the decisions.

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