Oh, dearest Hannah! (Letters, Hannah Grace, Echo 9 Nov). I am so glad that my very, very good friend Raphael sent me your advertisement from Australia’s Echo Magazine. My dear friend Rupert knows about advertising very, very, very well because, as you know, he helped me get in contact with my now very very good friend Vladimir, and these wonderful men helped me become The World’s Most Famous President!
As you know, wonderful Vladimir is wearing the rainbow these days so is unlikely to be available to take your hand, but I am single now after Vladimir told me all about staircase engineering. So it is me! Gorgeous me! – who can offer you marriage. It’s like making an AirBnB booking: since you’ve offered, and I’ve accepted, it’s a deal.
Vladimir said he’d be my best man, but I’m not sure if he’ll make the wedding as he is planning to get China involved with your country… um something about tiny tiny little navy bases on islands or something … isn’t he a wonderfully busy person? On the other hand, if he’s working on all that, he could be close to Byron and pop in for the wedding. He’s good at engineering things, don’t you agree?
As soon as the engineers pop in the new engine on my Boeing 757 I’ll send the plane to Ocean Shores Airport and you can stop having ‘baited’ breathing. I’m hooked. We’ll be together very very soon.