Your brain is a miracle. Put a helmet on.
Lately I’ve been noticing a marked increase in the number of people not wearing helmets. Especially on e-bikes. If you’ve spent that much on your bike, couldn’t you fork out a few bucks for your head? Let’s face it. Your head is the most precious technology you own.
It’s a complex organ that controls thoughts, emotion, touch, motor skills, vision, breathing, temperature, hunger and pretty well every process that regulates your body. It’s your operating system. So when you’re hurtling along, at 25 plus kilometres an hour, on the road surrounded by cars, whack on a helmet. I go into full mum mode every time I see someone not wearing a helmet. I want to chase them down. Give them a lecture. Tell them about head injuries. About what could happen to them in a simple fall. How they could end up in ED with serious injuries that could have been avoided. Up to 88% reduction in risk of brain, head and facial injury.
Clearly the police are not having much luck, and the $344 fine for non-helmet compliance is clearly not working. When you consider the cost to the health system for people injured by not wearing helmets is in the many thousands, and the impact on your life from damage is potentially catastrophic, maybe it’s worth a $50 protective cover for your multi-million-dollar head. It’s good for your head, and it’s good for the economy.
I was thinking that instead of cops doing the enforcement, it should be mums. We have always been ninjas at getting people to wear shit they don’t like. Scratchy pants, ugly shirts from grandma, sensible undies. It’s part of our job description. And we have technique.
We could start with the disappointed look. Followed by the head shake. And then we point to the head. This would be followed up by a very long chat in our car. A chat when we go through the data, we give examples of when things went bad, we talk about the responsibility of an adult to make informed choices. And what do you use to inform your choices? Your brain. And where is your brain? In your head. And what happens if your head hits something hard at speed? It gets damaged. And when they can’t take it anymore, we go an extra 20 minutes, with a threat of a follow-up lecture if they are seen helmetless again.
And if that doesn’t work – we confiscate the bike. And sell it on Marketplace. To someone who promises to wear a helmet. Or we reverse over your stupid bike so you can’t ride it. Oops. An accident!
Apparently helmets aren’t cool. You get helmet hair. That’s the only pushback I’ve ever had from my kids. No one is allergic to helmets. They don’t cause injury (unless you clip some double-chin fat into the clasp). Prolonged helmet use doesn’t cause cancer. You might lose a few followers on Instagram but you’ll lose more if you’re dead.
The other day I saw a kid doing a wheelie, at full tilt, down the middle of the road, without a helmet. It nearly killed me. I felt my pulse quicken. I’m angry on behalf of this kid’s mum. Of all mums. Of the people at ED who have to deal with his broken body and his injured head when a car swings out and hits him. This is the Northern Rivers. There are cars in streets everywhere because there’s a housing crisis and people are living in their garages. Doors could fly open at any point. We can’t hear you coming. And we certainly can’t see you. It’s dickhead behaviour. And the science tells us, you can’t stop being a dickhead. But you can wear a helmet while you’re being one.
Protect your stupid dickhead, dickhead. And while you’re at it, could you please not ride on the footpath? We don’t want to have to wear helmets to protect ourselves from you.
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