As we steadily count the climbing numbers of women who die almost weekly at the hands of someone within their own home, taking a closer look at how and why it happens provides the insight we need to make it stop.
As we gain a great understanding of coercive control – an insidious pattern of abuse that can lead to devastating consequences, we are coming to grips with how to help women free themselves from these bonds.
The laws have changed
In recent years the laws have changed. Police and courts are learning to take a different view of how to deal with perpetrators.
Multi-award-winning journalist Jess Hill’s main focus is on social issues and gendered violence. She has delved very deeply into the mechanics of coercive control. She is the woman behind See What You Made Me Do, an SBS documentary series on domestic abuse, and a Quarterly Essay on #MeToo in Australia.
Often the question arises about how and why women don’t see a violent situation coming. Hill says it’s not really about broad intelligence.
‘Even people who’ve grown up with domestic and family violence and have a really well established set of red flags, say “I didn’t see that guy coming. He was different.”’
Coercive control is like a sleight of hand
‘I think that’s why I say coercive control is like a sleight of hand – it makes itself invisible, at least for a period of time, to the point where you then also start to believe that maybe you’re at fault for it, or maybe you’re to blame for the escalation of behaviours, or you’re constantly looking inwards.
‘The whole process is one of what we call thought reform, which is a better term than brainwashing, essentially. But the point is that the coercive controller is getting inside your head and changing the way that you think about yourself, about the relationship, about what you are entitled to, in terms of treatment, in terms of access to independence, all of that. So that’s slowly being altered. And the reason people don’t see it is because it’s being made to feel normal, and you just slowly, slowly, slowly, let another standard slip, make another compromise.’
The intergenerational transmission of trauma and violence
In terms of what we as a society are getting right and wrong, Hill believes one of the main things we could definitely improve is taking the opportunity to interrupt intergenerational transmission of trauma and violence.
’The number one thing that we should be doing is preventing child maltreatment, and helping those children who have been harmed in whatever way,’ she said.
‘I wouldn’t say that there’s anything we could give ourselves 100 per cent marks for – what I would say is that we have a culture of workers across the domestic violence sector, particularly those working in the refuge sector, who are remarkable and just do so much with so little. They prevent homicides every single day. So many of them are so committed and so innovative.
‘I think what keeps me hopeful is just seeing everyday stories of people – impossible problems being solved by these incredible people.’
Jess Hill is visiting Lismore on Thursday to talk about these issues courtesy of NORWACS. She is at the Star Court Theatre at 6pm – visit: starcourttheatre.com.au/events/jesshill.
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