1. Are you able to completely switch off and pay no attention when your kids are wanting attention?
2. Are you unfit and unsatisfied with the way you look, but not unsatisfied enough to do anything about it?
3. Can you confuse your partner with what you actually want from day to day, never actually tell them, but be very cranky when they don’t deliver?
4. Do you hate the fact that women aren’t equal but still torture yourself with high shoes?
5. Do you only believe scientific reports when they work in your favour, ie two glasses of wine each night are excellent for gut health?
6. Do you get annoyed when your chubby friends lose weight and there’s one less person to look thinner than?
7. Do you forget people’s names and call them ‘darl’? Even family members?
8. Do you hide new boxes of shoes at the bottom of your wardrobe, and then wear them and when your husband asks if you are wearing new shoes you say ‘these? I’ve had them for AGES!’?
9. Do you come up with elaborate excuses to avoid canteen duty? Like, syphilis?
10. Do you say ‘I’m here for you anytime’ and then when your friend calls not pick up?
If you answer YES to more than three then you are definitely a Woman Like Us!
Catch one of our shows and feel like you’ve found your tribe – come and see Women Like Us at Uki Hall on Saturday or Byron Services Club on Monday 22 January at 8pm. Last two local shows for the year.
Women Like Us are all about Letting go
It’s the secret to getting that perfect work/life balance that those idiots who call themselves Life Coaches bleat on about. Mandy and Ellen believe that it’s not just about letting go, it’s about Letting Yourself Go. And these quickly deteriorating women can tell you how to free up hundreds of hours every year just by following their simple ten-point plan.
1. Sleep in your gym gear. It doubles as contraception. When you wake up you will be ready for the gym. And if you don’t feel like going, it will look like you’ve already been!
2. Make sure you over-eat. You know that feeling you get when you are full? Well the trick to over-eating is to push past that to that point where you feel a little bit sick. Pretty soon you’ll be wanting to eat more and more all the time. This will save heaps of time and money shopping because you won’t be tempted to try anything on because nothing will fit you.
3. Cherish your regrowth. Don’t rush to the hairdressers every time you see a few black roots. Let it reach an inch or two. Maybe three. Ballyage isn’t a trend started by hairdressers. It was started by Women Like Us. Hairdressers stole our look.
4. Tell people you are coming to their party or event and then don’t turn up. This really gets people talking about you. It helps make you look more important and more busy than they are.
5. Binge drink. If you can’t get out of going to a party, make sure you really over-drink and make a massive scene. The invitations will definitely dry up, giving you more time alone with NetFlix.
6. FaceTime important clients and annoying family members in the nude. It helps keen those annoying communications to a bare minimum.
7. Don’t wax your bikini line. Let it really grow out. That way, this summer at the beach, you will have way more space around your towel on the beach than everyone else.
8. Buy giant undies that pull right up under your boobs. When you are really hot, and you don’t want to wear a bra, your boobs can rest on the material of your undies instead of your skin, and you won’t feel half as sweaty. It’s all about comfort.
9. Only watch commercial TV reality shows. You will become so uninteresting that even your own family will leave you alone and you’ll be able to spend heaps of time relaxing. If they do dare to start a conversation, always turn it around to who you think the Bachelorette will choose, or what bathroom on The Block you like the best.
10. Only do housework if someone is coming over. Stop making your house look nice for your family. They don’t appreciate it. When was the last time you heard a teenager say ‘This floor is filthy!’ They don’t care. If you are having people over, leave it until the day they are coming so you panic and do the quick lick around that looks like you’ve done a good thorough clean, but it’s all pushed into corners.
For tickets go to www.womenlikeus.com.au