Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: Mullum is the Bomb

Mullum’s the Bomb

There’s nothing like a bomb to put you on the map. The whole of Australia looked on with disbelief last week when what looked like a pipe bomb was discovered by a couple of dudes in a quiet back alley.

It’s not what you expect to find on a Thursday morning in Mullum. The usual street fodder often includes a couple of pairs of discarded underpants, a lone thong and maybe a lost bong… not a bomb. I mean, this is Mullumbimby. Finding a bomb in the heart of peace-and-love country is like finding a wagyu steak in the window of a vegan restaurant. We do bath bombs baby. Not pipe bombs. Well, if we do pipe bombs – they’re generally packed with hash.

When it comes to ‘improvised devices’ in Mullumbimby it’s usually a bloke at the Farmers Market using an upside down waste-paper bin as a djembe. Or an old bloke with a hula-hoop using a pineapple as percussive device. We’re not terroristy people. We’re touristy yes. Not terroristy. Shit, what if the bomb is a result of a typo? We don’t blow people up. That’s not who we are. We blow them out. We’re gonna have to change our sign from ‘Biggest Little Town in Australia’ to ‘Biggest Little Terrorist Threat in Australia.’

Personally, I was surprised that anyone in Mullumbimby actually made a bomb. We’re big dreamers, but we’re not big on completing projects. This is the region of half-finished projects. Most people still haven’t put their flow hives together. I am not a fan of bombs, but hey, nice follow-through buddy. I mean the dude who made that bomb had to download ‘how to make a bomb’, then he had to go to Bunnings to get the circuit board stuff and the pipe. Then he had to go home and actually make it. Most people from Mullumbimby would have forgotten what they were doing by then, the half-made bomb would be left at the front door as a door stop until it’s sold, years later, at a garage sale. ‘What’s this mate?’ ‘Um, it’s a pipe bomb. Almost finished. $10?’ Maybe the bomb was a school project that fell out the back of a kombi? Or an Ananda Marga Hilton Bomb collectible? It just doesn’t make sense.

I can’t imagine who would want to blow up Mullumbimby. We’re fond of reversing over double lines, but I don’t think that requires a device with a circuit board and a switch. And we don’t immunise. Is this an attempt to wipe out our free-ranging un-vaxed lifestyle? The Whooping Cough Conspiracy. And yes there’s the pothole issue    but then it would be a pothole bomb, not a pipe bomb? If you are going to make a bomb, can you please leave a note? It’s common courtesy. I mean if you’ve gone to the effort to make the bloody thing then you should at least submit the written work. You’ve just made a town full of pot smokers really paranoid. I’m intrigued to discover who the person was and what was their motivation? Did they get a bad massage? A dodgy colonic? Too much turmeric in their latte? I don’t think the bomb was made by anyone in Mullum (If it was, they could sell it at that shop ‘Made in Mullum’). A genuine Mullum bomb would have had some crystals in it. Maybe some felt. A ‘magic happens’ sticker. I mean, this is Mullum, we drive bombs, we don’t make them.

So Mr bomb-making wierdo, if you are going to drop off an anonymous improvised device, in a random location, can it be a love bomb? As they say… you can blow us to pieces but you can’t blow up our peace.

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9 responses to “Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: Mullum is the Bomb”

  1. It didn’t exist, Mandy. Peace still reins. Best figure it
    this way… one of the boys in blue… scoffed by far
    too much turmeric & double-visioned a device only
    of alien importance. Mullum’s whistle clear until next

  2. Doug says:

    High School end of year??

    The best we did was leave a lit paper bag containing a fresh turd on the teachers (that we disliked, obviously) front doorstep & run, then watch the fun!

    …Most probably a terrorist act these days!

  3. Jeremy White says:

    Classic Mandy! So witty and hilarious! And probs a bit true. : )

  4. Leanne Bridgland says:

    Where do you get your facts,, and why do you think that it’s just a joke, my daughter and I were directly affected, the sick sad person who did it needs to be arrested,,

  5. Kin says:

    That was THE day after the ‘credible threat’ of a shooter at Southern Cross University. No one was found responsible, and the threat fell down a hole. Perhaps they were police drills?

    • Micka says:

      Ooooo I like it Kin, maybe the cops were just bored, why not spread some fear and make themselves look important. Nice theory. That’s why I love Mullum, healthy scepticism 😉

  6. Trude Helm says:

    Wonderful piece yet again Mandy!

    But why does no one mention this has happened before…in Mullum…sorta similar location too. Streets were cordonned off all day… lots of police and panic. now when was that? can’t exactly remember.

  7. Blue says:

    Is the Disco Dong sculptor a person of interest?

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