There’s nothing like a bomb to put you on the map. The whole of Australia looked on with disbelief last week when what looked like a pipe bomb was discovered by a couple of dudes in a quiet back alley.
It’s not what you expect to find on a Thursday morning in Mullum. The usual street fodder often includes a couple of pairs of discarded underpants, a lone thong and maybe a lost bong… not a bomb. I mean, this is Mullumbimby. Finding a bomb in the heart of peace-and-love country is like finding a wagyu steak in the window of a vegan restaurant. We do bath bombs baby. Not pipe bombs. Well, if we do pipe bombs – they’re generally packed with hash.
When it comes to ‘improvised devices’ in Mullumbimby it’s usually a bloke at the Farmers Market using an upside down waste-paper bin as a djembe. Or an old bloke with a hula-hoop using a pineapple as percussive device. We’re not terroristy people. We’re touristy yes. Not terroristy. Shit, what if the bomb is a result of a typo? We don’t blow people up. That’s not who we are. We blow them out. We’re gonna have to change our sign from ‘Biggest Little Town in Australia’ to ‘Biggest Little Terrorist Threat in Australia.’
Personally, I was surprised that anyone in Mullumbimby actually made a bomb. We’re big dreamers, but we’re not big on completing projects. This is the region of half-finished projects. Most people still haven’t put their flow hives together. I am not a fan of bombs, but hey, nice follow-through buddy. I mean the dude who made that bomb had to download ‘how to make a bomb’, then he had to go to Bunnings to get the circuit board stuff and the pipe. Then he had to go home and actually make it. Most people from Mullumbimby would have forgotten what they were doing by then, the half-made bomb would be left at the front door as a door stop until it’s sold, years later, at a garage sale. ‘What’s this mate?’ ‘Um, it’s a pipe bomb. Almost finished. $10?’ Maybe the bomb was a school project that fell out the back of a kombi? Or an Ananda Marga Hilton Bomb collectible? It just doesn’t make sense.
I can’t imagine who would want to blow up Mullumbimby. We’re fond of reversing over double lines, but I don’t think that requires a device with a circuit board and a switch. And we don’t immunise. Is this an attempt to wipe out our free-ranging un-vaxed lifestyle? The Whooping Cough Conspiracy. And yes there’s the pothole issue – but then it would be a pothole bomb, not a pipe bomb? If you are going to make a bomb, can you please leave a note? It’s common courtesy. I mean if you’ve gone to the effort to make the bloody thing then you should at least submit the written work. You’ve just made a town full of pot smokers really paranoid. I’m intrigued to discover who the person was and what was their motivation? Did they get a bad massage? A dodgy colonic? Too much turmeric in their latte? I don’t think the bomb was made by anyone in Mullum (If it was, they could sell it at that shop ‘Made in Mullum’). A genuine Mullum bomb would have had some crystals in it. Maybe some felt. A ‘magic happens’ sticker. I mean, this is Mullum, we drive bombs, we don’t make them.
So Mr bomb-making wierdo, if you are going to drop off an anonymous improvised device, in a random location, can it be a love bomb? As they say… you can blow us to pieces but you can’t blow up our peace.