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Byron Shire
December 3, 2021

Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: Love U 4 EV

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One sure way to impact on reducing emissions is to transition to electric vehicles.

Love U 4 EV

This week Scotty was dragging his feet about going to Glasgow. I’d thought of a tweet: Bozo Scomo’s Glasgow No Show gives Australia climate change FOMO. But it looks like a bit of public pressure from Prince Charles, mining magnate Twiggy Forrest and a Croc Dundee styled billboard in New York Time’s Square calling him a Coal-a-phile, and another one saying ‘Come to Australia – cuddle a koala before we make them extinct’ has hit hard. He’s going. And he’s got a plan. Jenny found it scribbled on the back of a BHP investment portfolio. It was simple. It said ‘Ask Barnaby’.

While the government scrambles to agree to the 2050 net zero plan, a target that has already been deemed too late, the rest of us are asking: What the fuck are we going to do? I mean, if they can’t agree to a target how the f**k are they going to manage the action part of the equation? 

One sure way to impact on reducing emissions is to transition to electric vehicles. Other countries are leading the way. Norway has more electric vehicles per capita than any other country. Something like 74.8 per cent. In 2020 we had 14 253 EV’s in Australia; or 0.1 per cent of 19.8 million registered motor vehicles. We are really fucking this up. 

In order to transition from a fossil fuel powered car industry I think we need to address our car culture. We’re petrol heads. Mad Max would have been a very different movie if Mel had to find a charging station instead of fuel. There’s no thrill doing ‘maineys’ and burnouts with an electric engine. How does a bloke get to feel like he’s got a massive penis if his car is silent? Will EVs signal the end to a cock dominated car culture? Is patriarchy under the pump? The whole ‘fill er up’ approach is very penetrative. If we are to hit net zero in the next 20 years the fossil fuel phallus needs to become extinct. 

I often dream of our zero emissions future. I imagine a bikie gang coming into town; The Renewable Rebels. They can co-ordinate their drug drops with charging stations. Earth, Wind & Ice. I wonder if they’ll even be terrifying anymore? A swarm of bikers are always accompanied by the noise of their engines. And stink of their petrol filth. Big, dirty, noisy bike gangs.

What happens when they slip into town on their EV cycles, quiet as mice?

Maybe a couple of blokes are going to have to make petrol motor noises by blowing raspberries. The kind of ‘brooombroom’ that a toddler does when they push matchbox cars on the carpet.

It’s a brave new world! Imagine Satan’s Choice Motorcycle Club now powered by solar. The devil really is in the detail. I love the idea of working the solar panels into the insignia stitched on the back of the jackets. Or seeing bike helmets with wind turbines. Just because you are a badass doesn’t mean you have to be a carbon emitter. Like a modern day Ned Kelly you can still steal from the rich, but you need to be putting it back into the grid.

I really want an electric vehicle. I don’t want to be left behind.

I don’t want to be a wowser at the bowser.

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  1. Stop Lecturing Mandy and buy a electric vehicle …
    Talk the talk ! Buy hey it will be a start to wean yourself from the hydrocarbon life
    a win win really.. all your thousands of fans
    will hopefully folloooow suit .. incidentally Mandy Net Zero whats in it for us ? I mean we hear the benefits for … but never what
    It will COST ? Australians.. you know Mandy Taxpayer’s what will it cost ? and more importantly by eliminating hydrocarbons
    considering its the last chance as that elite
    Wanker Prince Charles has suggested
    For the past 30 years sounds familiar? how much will the
    Earth cool ??? Guess it’s like Marrying someone you dont know … because they dont know do they ? Wait a minute yes they do the science is settled right ? punch some info into a computer … BINGO .. could be 3.5
    Degrees of warming if we keep using Hydrocarbons.. fairy tale stuff !! as for Glasgow why bother Prime Minister turning up to be ambushed by hypocrites flying in on luxury planes all the bells and whistles 5 star
    Hotels .. hydrocarbon heaven .. and will finish on this who Is propping up the Nation regarding Taxes… the resources industries of course 60 % of all taxes paid to the ATO .. not to mention Iron ore & coal
    Royalties… who do think will pay for hospitals, roads , welfare ? I know all those well paying renewables jobs … dont think so.. Nuclear power Zero emmisions..
    start the conversation…

  2. Oh! Mandy I do love you & man I needed a really good laugh….many of your statements are inventive / sensible & down right spiritual, like for example “How does a bloke get to feel like he’s got a massive penis if his car is silent? Will EVs signal the end to a cock dominated car culture? Is patriarchy under the pump? The whole ‘fill er up’ approach is very penetrative. If we are to hit net zero in the next 20 years the fossil fuel phallus needs to become extinct. ” UNQUOTE I couldn’t agree more . I’ll be voting for you when I stop laughing . PS Could we please send Scummo to Hawaii permanently ?

  3. Scummo it is from now on… slow moving on from ‘Donno’ because the man’s not with-it enough
    to get out of his own way. Aussies know how to pick a parrot – & that’s that. Fairy- tail is more of
    a fit as well. Hot ‘n Cold’s the same bug-bear, Barrow. The pandemic is nix to what you’re playing

  4. It will take generations for humans to learn to live on this planet without leaving it damaged.
    In the meantime we need to reduced the population.
    This is not an ideological argument…just a logical fact.
    But my child is a hemp clothes wearing poppy seed munching bike riding environment aware new generation…. I hear in reply.
    Well great but until we adress every aspect of our lives that negatively impact the environment…each additional human will continue to damage the planet.
    We are all guilty…we all use plastics , oil, coal, synthetic chemicals , etc…
    Except for this one bloke who lived in a cave in upper main arm….

  5. We all are damaging the planet.
    Until we can learn to do no net damage in our lifetimes we need to reduce the population.
    This not an ideological argument just a logical

    Instead of net zero carbon emissions…how about net zero planet damage?
    The distinction is important as many people’s myoptic focus on carbon pollution ignores all the other cummulative planetary damages …microplastics, synthetic chemicals, radiation , and facebook.

  6. Too right! Collective planetary damage needs management by all of us. Facebook’s not
    a good look – [ crapite ] along with the rest already listed.

  7. Now, if Mel had been on a bicycle – Mad Max would have had a completely different tone! Granted, your article is about EVs and Smirko but – for short, around-town trips – a bicycle can achieve a lot. Separate bike paths and electric bikes for those transitioning to a cycling culture might be a good start. Love your work!


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