Women named Karen aren’t doing so well. They don’t find Karen jokes funny. ‘Calm Down Karen’ doesn’t make them calm. It makes them anxious, unhappy and unfairly victimised. They don’t appreciate the continual social derision, based not on their actual values, but on an assumption that their name is the only evidence required to minimise and reduce them to a stereotype that insists they are all small-minded, angry, entitled, middle aged white women. It’s clearly not true. So why, in a world that is so woke, is it socially acceptable to knock on the door of every woman named Karen and ridicule her?
I don’t make Karen jokes. Not because I’d thought deeply about the inherent misogyny of attributing all those negative attributes to innocent women named Karen. Many who aren’t entitled, who aren’t racist, but who are kind and compassionate, considered and thoughtful. I hadn’t reflected on the impact the Karen jokes, trending since 2020, might be having on them. I just didn’t find the jokes funny. They felt a bit sexist and cruel – a social cue that told us, in a world where we are encouraged to be respectful, that ‘we have an approved target, so come on over and have a kick’. Karen is on the ground, and no one is helping her up.
I have a friend named Karen. Well, to be honest, I have a lot of friends named Karen. None of them are entitled white women. They are all very intelligent, beautiful people. I actually don’t personally know anyone called Karen who fits the 2020 trending meme.
When I was performing at Adelaide Fringe this year I invited my dear friend Karen. She sent me a long message explaining how comedy was no longer a safe space for her, that she was really upset by the Karen jokes as they’d made her feel alienated and ridiculed, and prescribed her with a set of values that had never been hers. It had made her feel anxious and bullied. Simply put, she was worried about coming to comedy because she was an easy target. She asked if I told Karen jokes? I told her ‘No, none. My shows are a safe space for women named Karen.’ When I call out racism, or entitlement I don’t make an entire cohort of women responsible.
I hadn’t realised how much that joke had hurt. My friend disclosed how traumatising it had been; that women named Karen had been talking to other women named Karen. That they had set up chat groups on Facebook to share stories of what had been happening to them. They’d been the butt of jokes in their family, at work, and with their friends who’d say ‘Stop acting like your name’. They’d been laughed at and ridiculed in every part of their life. Not for anything they had said or done. Just because of their name. That’s called bullying. It hurts people. And women named Karen are over it. They try to say something, but every time they do, they are shut down, minimised or ridiculed again. Women named Karen are anxious, and they are tired of everyone feeling virtuous and right on at their expense.
When we feel powerless in the world we have to stop coming home and kicking Karen. It’s also sexist. We’re not calling out Darren or Peter or Bruce. The reality is, in the global picture, middle aged women don’t hold any power. So why are we targeting them as symbolic of entitlement? In a patriarchal society, they’re pretty well invisible. Karen bashing has given us permission to do what society has always loved but not been permitted to do: bash women and get away with it.
So let’s stop making dumb jokes about women named Karen. Let’s call out racism, entitlement and obnoxious behaviour, but let’s not do it by throwing every woman we know named Karen under the bus. It’s cruel. It not okay to use profiling to prescribe values.
Women named Karen should not feel scared every time someone says: ‘name?’
If you know someone named Karen, ask them how they are going. Tell them you are sorry. And shut down anyone who makes fun of people named Karen. The Karen joke is dead.
If your name is Karen and you’d like a safe place to talk to other women also named Karen – try Karens United on Facebook. And please, don’t go there to troll.
If you would like to know what it feels like to be Karen, try this empathy generator, and you’ll be named and shamed on the spot: https://karenismyname.org/renamer
Once again – Mandy grasps at misogyny, tagging almost any issue as that. It might not be right, funny or kind to call someone a ‘Karen’, but it’s certainly not misogyny. While we may not be “calling out Darren or Peter or Bruce” – ‘Simon’ certainly has had it’s fair share of simple jokes etc. Is that misandry..? No – its not misandry – in the same way this is not misogyny. Keep it real Mandy
John, so you do not think that designating a name that belongs to millions of women and men from all or nearly all races and the Karen ethnic people (Asian heritage) as a “White women” in an effort to belittle, degrade, disparage, and defame them is not misogyny? Not only is it misogyny, but it is also racist and namist and in some cases is mis-gendering and reassigning race. When the harassment jumps from “simple jokes” to assault, battery, stalking, death threats, suicide, and even kindergarten mass bullying, it is not longer a “simple joke”, it becomes a societal problem. Noone’s name and identity should be abused. Period. Think about the names that you mentioned. How many attributes do you couple with those people when you misuse the name? I imagine only one or two. Now, how many attributes do you assign to the name and identity of Karen? The list is endless. I image you even call your mail person “Karen” if they put too many bills in your box. The misuse of the name Karen is an attempt to shun and silence women – especially White women, but has become much more harmful than a “simple joke”
Perhaps these “Karens” that actually provoked the nickname with their crazy behaviour, should have thought about their actions before they made this disparaging nickname for themselves and unfortunately now for others?
Like the “Don’t bring me down Bruces” and “Greg the stop signs” and so many others, thats songs are written about?
For every action there’s a reaction isn’t there Mandy! Especially when you’re doing stand up comedy?
This Is Serious Mandy?
Are you serious? All of these women accused of wrongdoing aren’t actually named Karen. You really think that women with the same name all share common personality traits? That’s just crazy!
The women who have gone viral for their behavior have not been named Karen. The label has been attached to them. They’ve been Amy, Sarah, and numerous other names, but not one actually named Karen.
Just trying to follow your logic here.
Who are you actually referring to and what exactly should they have thought about before they did what?
What did they provoked specifically and how?
You said something was ‘like’ something else, but in what way precisely?
I can see in your comment a need to have an opinion about something but you haven’t actually articulated what that is yet.
I am beginning to see the whole ‘Karen’ fad as an opportunity for people to be seen as having something to say when they actually don’t.
You often see people throwing the name into comments and headlines because they know they cannot attract the same attention without it, and they need the validation that trolls and haters are so willing to provide.
Would you care to elaborate on your reference to Newton’s third law ‘For every action……’?
I would love to hear how you apply it to this situation. Or was that just a random cliché you decided to throw in for good measure? Perhaps you thought Newton’s words might lend some substance to that which was otherwise lacking in your own?
Not sure if you’re aware of this, Tweed, but a vast majority of the people acting terribly aren’t named Karen. People named Karen have done nothing to deserve the amounts of bullying they’ve had to endure.
And to compare it to song lyrics, while annoying, are fads which have died out, thankfully. People named Karen are hoping this stops, too, and a lot are against using ANY name in a negative light.
Call people out on their horrible behaviour. Just please stop using an actual name to describe them.
You must be unaware that nearly none – ZERO – of the mis-identified “Karens” are actually named Karen. It is only because bigots feel they have a “right” to trample on the human existance of other that any person’s name is misused and abused to spread hatred. The mere act of mislableing someone as “Karen” is just as bad or worse than the behavior you are calling out.
Karen is misogynistic, sexist, racist and ageist just stop trying to say it isn’t so you can continue to use it. You people who use their name are the ones that act like the so called behavior that you are trying to call out. All you God fearing people, oh and how much you love Jesus right?? I got news for you I’m pretty sure when it’s your time you’re headed in the opposite direction. Karen isn’t just a white name it happens to be the name of indigenous people called Karen from Myanmar, Burma. So in fact you might want to educate yourselves. One day it will be your name and will sit back and watch you crawl back underneath the rock you crawled out from. The only name that is just as bad as the Karen phase is Alexa.
Jesus Christ on a stick Daena. You do realise quite a few of us here are Jews, don’t you? Karen ain’t one of our patron saints, so we aren’t being blasphemes when we take her name in vain.
Wow ‘So’ proud of your admission to being a ‘JEW’ in this day and age.
When we are aware of the hideous atrocities being committed against the rightful owners of the land that has been stolen by Israel, and the ongoing pogrom and war crimes committed by this evil nation.
Hitler was mad, bad, and evil but his reign of terror lasted five years but Israel has maintained it’s atrocities for 75 years.
Shame, Shame, Shame, G”)
You don’t pay much attention to what I say, do you.
Learn the history, Ken, before you make comments about Jews.
Speaking broadly we often don’t see (or feel ) the discrimination against the cohort we’re not part of.
Thank you very much, please comment again. Like that?
You do realize that there are little girls named karen right ?You may not be taking the name karen in vain, but you are causing bullying to innocent woman and children. Then you wonder why kids shoot up schools because they are tired of being bullied, I’m sure these woman and children have had enough. You want to call out bad behavior then use your own name.
I wonder what the Karens Mandy mentions who were told to “stop acting like your name ” were doing to provoke the rebuke.
An idea for a related article , Mandy , could be why we are seeing signs in retail shops , medical clinics , service stations etc. urging people to treat the staff with respect. They’ve appeared only in the last couple of years. How come they’re necessary now?
Why have they suddenly appeared? I’m sure it wasn’t a sudden increase in the number of Karens in the population! And are people here really suggesting that all Karens must police their namesakes’ behaviour or “ get what they deserve”?
Abuse of staff is always unacceptable. Commandeering a name – that obviously won’t automatically mean its bearer will show any particular set of characteristics – is also unacceptable as it stigmatises a totally random group of people.
Articulating your objections to a behaviour or position is always harder than throwing around labels. Labels are a lazy cop out.
And there are some male examples: Wally? And I had a really good chuckle once at a cartoon that depicted Tony Abbott writing “Je suis un Charlie”. But maybe my amusement was ill founded.
I agree. Karen is a product of the early critical theories. Not only should we point the behaviour out, we should explain how it came about.
I can answer that. Any woman named Karen who dares to protest about her personal name being trashed is told she is ‘acting like her name.’ It’s being used to shut up women. Mandy is right. It’s hurtful to people with that name (including a group of refugees). It’s also totally unnecessary. Just call out the behavior without using anyone’s name.
The whole point of Mandy’s article is about what is wrong with using Karen’s name this way, and the problems it is causing for people who are actually named Karen.
What makes you think anyone named Karen has done anything to provoke the ‘jokes’, taunts, insinuations and ridicule that comments like yours perpetuate? Many Karens need do nothing more than introduce themselves for people to launch into their ‘Karen routine’, and say things like ‘Oh just shut up Karen’ for a laugh. You don’t have to look very far to see comments made to women named Karen who have said nothing different to anyone else, but because of their name they are singled out for abuse.
Was that seriously your only take out from what Mandy wrote? To wonder what the victim did to deserve it?
Sounds like you are just looking for ways to justify the abuse.
No Daniel, being respectful not an new idea, but being disrespectful towards all people who happen to share one name is. Refusing to see that this is no different to any other form of bigotry is a problem.
Daniel, it is actually really easy to say what you want to say without using Karen’s name this way. Sure, it might mean having to think a little but more about what you are saying, but that is probably not such a bad idea.
It has nothing to do with people named Karen. But you make me wonder if it has everything to do with men named Daniel – especially you.
I really love this article Mandy. You are spot on with your comments. It is brilliant that you use your own wonderful talent, rather than drawing on the overused Karen pejorative that less talented comedians tend to use. Some of the comments made in reference to this article reflect a significant lack of insight into how offensive the hijacking of the name Karen is. Perhaps these people should re read your article as they seem to have missed your point.
How do you know that any given Karen you meet was born a Karen. They could be a Trans-Karen person. If they don’t show you ID, they could just be identifying as a Karen. Your name is not an immutable characteristic like sex is.
It’s particularly striking that those in this comment thread vying for the right to bash an innocent name are men. Says a whole damn lot and proves the misogynistic undertones of this shameful trend.