Mandy Nolan’s Soapbox: The Luis Kiss

Don’t grab women by the head and kiss them. It seems obvious. But the patriarch had to stake his claim. Luis Rubiales, the president of the Royal Spanish Football Federation just broke Christmas. And I’m pissed.

Up until last week we were in love with women’s soccer. Women were powerful. They were the heroes. For the first time in our lifetime we saw the world captivated by our strength. Our skill. The excitement of the game. This was not a Miss Universe pageant. We were not wearing high heels and a swim suit with a sash. Women represented their country in shorts. They ran. They sweated. They played hard. It didn’t feel like we were just watching sport. We were part of something big. This told the world that things were changing. That we had arrived.

I held my breath. Could it be possible? Had things finally moved on? Was the world able to appreciate women without sexualising them? Over 2 billion people watched. This was the loudest, purest narrative of women’s equality and power. And most men had no problem with it. They found themselves caught up with it too. Because most men aren’t dickheads. 

But it only takes one, and when that one is the president of the winning country’s Football Federation, it’s a problem. When Luis Rubiales grabbed Jenni Hermoso with two hands by her head and kissed her, it was over. We forgot the weeks of female triumph and power. The magic of these warrior women was gone. Because that shit diminishes all of us. That kiss broke the spell. And now it’s all we can talk about. Because that kiss is what we live with. That kiss was male entitlement. It was the patriarchy. And it couldn’t let women have their moment. It had to plant a flag on the moon. Make it his.

What we saw on the world stage was what we have always seen. It’s the old narrative that has been written on our skin for centuries. A woman assaulted in plain view. And being told that she’d overreacted. That she had given consent. ‘The kiss was the same I could give one of my daughters,’ Mr Rubiales said. But Jenni Hermoso was not his daughter. And he is not her father. That is the statement of a patriarch. The same man who grabbed his crotch at the final whistle. It’s gross. I try to imagine a powerful woman, maybe someone like the recently-deceased Queen grabbing her vagina at an English victory and then grabbing David Beckham’s head in her two bejewelled hands and pulling him in for a kiss. And then telling the world, ‘The kiss was the same I would have given one of my sons.’ That’s just creepy.

He could have just apologised. He could have said he was wrong. He did give an apology of sorts. But it was an apology that is not an apology. He defended his actions. He said, ‘It was natural, normal.’ That is not an apology. That is justification of a non-consensual act. He disgraced himself on the world stage. He ruined the magic for one midfielder, and for 2 billion people. Resign. Resigning is an apology. It’s the appropriate consequence.

But no. Instead he makes himself the victim. He claims he’s the victim of ‘social murder’. That this is ‘fake feminism’. And most extraordinarily he shouted, ‘They are trying to kill me.’ Wow that’s insane. He’s made himself the centre of the narrative. He’s erased Jenni Hermoso, and escalated this to a plot to assassinate his good character and his enormous crotch of privilege. His entitlement was witnessed on the world stage. It was called out by Jenni and the rest of the world. The outrage is hers. It is ours. Not his. 

On the upside, we did gain a new term for the lexicon. Just as Judas Kiss describes betrayal, we now have a word for an uninvited kiss of entitlement. It’s called the Luis Kiss.

Go home dude. Go home, and FFS that is not how you kiss your daughters.