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Byron Shire
April 18, 2021

Fifty Shades Of Grey

Latest News

Midwife quits

Deb Walsh, Fernleigh It’s become untenable for me to continue working in hospitals. I have quit. I will be deregistered soon...

Other News

Inspector condemns prisoner health services

In the forward to the Inspector of Custodial Services Report published last month, Fiona Rafter Inspector of Custodial Services says that the provision of health services to inmates in New South Wales custodial facilities is a complex and challenging responsibility.

ALP puts war power reform on the agenda

The Australian Labor Party will hold a public inquiry into how Australia goes to war if elected to government next year.

Methane: the breakfast of champion trees

A research study lead by Southern Cross University scientists has discovered an unlikely microscopic ally in the battle to reduce the amount of methane gas in the atmosphere.

Interview with Jean Kittson

Comedian, writer, and social commentator Jean Kittson has the ability to distil complex ideas into commonsense. Jean is one of the national treasures in conversation with Mandy Nolan and Fiona O’Loughlin at No Eggs for Breakfast, a comedic chat themed around life beyond fertility! It seemed remiss not to ask Ms Kittson on her take on the debacle that is federal politics and gender equity.

HuskeeSwap launches in Lennox

An exciting initiative to keep coffee cups out of landfill launched in Lennox Head yesterday. Ballina Shire Council is backing the HuskeeSwap program with free coffees at different cafes in Lennox this week, for coffeeholics keen to try a new solution to a growing problem.

Eungella: Alleged domestic-related stabbing suspect charged with attempted murder

Police say a man will face court today charged with attempted murder following an alleged domestic-related stabbing earlier this year.

Anna, a virginal college undergraduate, is whisked away by Christian in his helicopter to the young billionaire’s palatial penthouse in Seattle.

After a minimal preamble, she asks, ‘Are you going to make love to me now?’, to which the pug-faced Christian replies, ‘I don’t make love, I fuck… hard’. The two teenage girls in front of me, busy checking Facebook on their iThingies, titter.

Christian disrobes Anna in close-up. She’s got nice nipples, which is just as well, because you are going to see a hell of a lot of them. Christian’s private parts are not exposed, but you can bet your life that he has a schlong like a Polish salami. He gets her into the sack and, as they are seized in rapture by the world’s greatest act of fornication, I become aware of a loud grinding noise.

Odd to have it in the soundtrack at this point, I think. Soon enough I realise, it’s the pneumatic drill from the cinema’s adjoining construction site. As an accompaniment to Anna’s sighs and grimaces of ecstasy, it lifted the moment into the realms of glorious Dada surrealism.

Next morning, the Rolling Stones’ fab version of Beast of Burdenis playing as Anna cooks her man’s brekka. Though heavy handed, the use of the song is the only note of irony that I could detect (apart from the drill in the wall) in this indescribably listless and boring movie. I mean really, this couple makes Bella and Edward of Twilight’s miserable memory seem almost interesting.

I’ve not read EL James’s world-conquering novel, feminist friends (remember feminism?) and literary crits suggesting it might be a bridge too far for me in my attempts to keep abreast of the times.

All I can say about the screen adaptation is that I have no objection to sexual fantasy – we all indulge – and as soft porn the movie is passable if repetitive.

I went with an open mind and in the end was genuinely surprised, for it is even worse than I feared.

~ John Campbell

 


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