Mandy Nolans Soapbox: Hug vax cures loneliness

We live in a world of over 8 billion people. Never in the history of humanity have so many people inhabited this planet. And yet many of us are lonely. How can we have so many humans so absolutely disconnected and sad? 

Around 33% of people report they feel loneliness. By way of definition, loneliness is the negative feeling that occurs when your needs for social connection aren’t met. Loneliness isn’t to be confused with being alone. Being alone can be a choice, it’s like chocolate. It’s delicious and kind of wonderful. It’s not loneliness. Loneliness is the hand that pushes you down. It’s the feeling of abandonment when you cry for your mother and she doesn’t come. When no one comes.

There are three types of loneliness: emotional loneliness which is the absence of meaningful relationships; there is social loneliness which is a perceived deficit in the quality of social connections; and existential loneliness – a feeling of fundamental separateness from others and the wider world.

Loneliness can create inflammation throughout the body. It can be a source of depression and anxiety. It leads to low self-esteem and can affect your sleep. Health experts have likened its negative health impacts to smoking. In fact, it puts you at a 29% increased risk of heart disease and 32% more at risk of a stroke. Turns out when it comes to long-term health benefits, hugs are better than keto.

Chronic loneliness changes your brain. It can prompt changes that further isolate people from social contact. It doesn’t just make people feel isolated. It actually changes their brain in ways that can hinder an ability to trust and connect with others. Chronic loneliness can make you eat more, feel angry, spend too much time on social media, it can certainly make you feel hopeless. It leads to brain fog. Lonely people are more likely to get dementia. And people with dementia very often live in a state of constant enduring loneliness. 

Humans survive and thrive through social exchange. Loneliness then is a kind of emotional starvation. A deep aching desert of desolation and despair. A giant hunger for human connection. A poverty of self.

Most of us have felt loneliness at some point. It hurts. In fact, scientists are finding that loneliness has serious medical consequences. Our brain sees loneliness as pain. A brain imaging study showed that feeling ostracised activates our neural pain matrix. Studies have also shown that ostracising others hurts as much as being ostracised. Wow. We are meant to be connected. We are meant to be kind.

So much loneliness right in plain view. I often walk past those rooms full of pokies and feel the sadness. Gambling machines that offer some sort of electronic communion. Some sort of momentary hope. The pretty flashing lights and the happy noises seem to underline the misery. Lonely people gamble. Lonely people can be more prone to addiction. Loneliness can be a predictor of later suicidal ideation and behaviour.

Loneliness is more prevalent among vulnerable older adults. Especially those with dementia. Minority groups experience loneliness. It’s more highly reported in LGBTQIA+ communities. Stigma, discrimination and barriers to care are all contributors to the loneliness epidemic. It’s not Covid that is killing us. Or even cancer. It’s our sadness. Our sense of being unloved, uncared for and unimportant.

So here’s a solution. Connect. Take out your ear buds and speak to that person on the plane next to you who is desperate for a chat. Visit an older person in your street. Reach out. When it comes to loneliness we are both doctors and the medication. 

Prescribe love.

Dosage: one hug three times per day.