As if Chris Minns wrote it

Dear editor,

This is Chris Minns here, Premier and top dog for all of NSW. I have been reading some criticisms of the government I lead in your ever-popular and most influential newspaper, so I am writing to set the record straight.

We, as a government, do not break promises. We keep our promises. So, let’s look at our pledge about the Great Koala National Park.

In January 2023, before the election, we promised $80 million for the establishment of a Great Koala National Park, and we are going to keep that promise in due course, and in the fullness of time. In fact, we promised it in our first term and we will deliver in our first term. That’s another two-and-a-bit years.

But let’s be very crystal clear.

We did not promise that we would not log it first. A cleared national park is still a national park.

You can, believe it or not, have a national park without a lot of old growth, new growth or any growth at all.

That is one of the functions of national parks – to give Mother Earth, Gaia, a chance to regrow from nothing at all. In fact, climate change expert scientists we pay well tell us that a growing forest is better for global warming than an established one, because it recaptures ever so much more carbon; so on that score we are doing our bit to get to net zero.

Surely, no one in Byron Shire or surrounds can be disappointed with that environmental outcome?

And as for it being a koala national park, it most certainly will be. And here’s how. If you look at the mass of land proposed to be cleared, then saved, and fly up and see it from above, like from space, then the shape is almost the same as a koala, but without one ear and with three feet sort of bunched together. And no head.

And that is why it will be called Great Koala National Park, because of the shape. There won’t actually be any live koalas initially, of course, because that would require trees. And we are about jobs and housing.

Does that mean koalas will die? Sadly, yes. But please remember that eventually every living sentient being does die, even you and me and Gough, and koalas are no different. It is like trees really.

The hardwood industry is proven to be utterly sustainable because new trees grow where old trees once grew.

It is proven because the Forest Products Association says it is here: [email protected]. I know that in Byron Shire, you understand that everything changes, everything is interconnected, Om Shanti.    

Koala National Park

Now, it is called the Great Koala National Park because the National Party have been telling us the boundaries, and the tree density and which logs to take, and we are a pluralist government who listens.

To the Nationals.

And they are speaking, and they are happy with the new park. Bipartisanship is really important wherever it is possible, because it ensures outcomes that last beyond a single government.

It is actually better to harvest it now, and keep the Nationals onside, than create a park full of trees that will only burn anyway, in the next bushfire season leading to National Party blame on the city folk.

Like me. Hence it may actually be called the Great Koala Nationals’ Park in recognition.

And it will be a park. Like a football field is often called a ‘park’, and you don’t have any trees on a football field or you cannot actually play football. Look at Moore Park in Sydney, or Harris Park in the electorate of Parramatta. 

It will be that sort of cleared, grassy, large, ball-playable flattish park. Because sport breeds healthy children, and healthy children emit less greenhouse gasses over their lifetime, as is well proven. So, healthy children equals healthy planet and that’s what National Parks are all about. Surely your readers believe in healthy children, even if they are unvaxxed?

Let’s not forget the workers and the unions in all this. The “F” in the CFMEU is for Forestry, and they are huge donors to our party.

Of course, that makes no difference to our policies, ever, and to suggest that money influences decisions is frankly insulting. And yes, the current head of Forests Products is ex-ALP minister, Joel Fitzgibbon, also of the NSW right, like me. But again, that is utterly completely immaterial.

To ensure transparency and complete independence, we have established a fully separate expert group made up of Forest Products, unions and the logging industry.

This is as autonomous as it gets in NSW. So, don’t start calling me and my government dishonest, or vandals or koala killers.

We are honest, building, park creators and the koalas are able to die without any help from us.

We undertook creation of a Koala National Park, and we will be delivering you just what we promised. With the bonus of a sustainable forest product first, a koala from the sky, and a series of interconnected grassy playing fields.

We deliver on our promises. Unlike most politicians.

Yours faithfully,

NSW Premier, Chris Minns.

♦ Column penned by Dean of Law at SCU, David Heilpern.