‘I went out to Casino because I thought it was Casino Beefcake Week; there I met a lovely circus performer. We tumbled around for a bit and then he suggested that my talents could be put to good use at the Falls Festival.’
Self-described as a ‘fallen angel’, Wilde shares a little of her difficult and astonishing parentage.
‘I am the love child of Oscar Wilde and Mae West.’
Hang on, didn’t they live on different continents? Wasn’t Wilde notoriously gay? And if she really were the daughter of such a bizarre and unlikely coupling then wouldn’t she be almost 100?
Ms Wilde explains herself. I get the feeling she’s had to do this a few times before.
‘My mother had been sent to England to boarding school for transgression and she escaped and went over to Paris where she met the illustrious Oscar Wilde. She is the only woman to have seduced him. Of course she fell pregnant. She had the baby and left me in an orphanage, which was the Sacred Heart Home for Wayward Children in Hell’s Kitchen.’
Okay, that explains that. But how can a girl pushing three figures look so young?
‘I started performing at an early age. The nuns couldn’t control me and eventually I left for Europe where the Nazis captured me and cryogenically froze me. I became the only victim of the Y2K bug. On the first of January 2000 I woke up in Swedish bank vault where I met Sven and joined his Swedish swinging community and massage society – I came to Byron to do a sacred massage Yoni course and never left… I have been massaging sacred yonis ever since.’
Well, I guess that kind of explains it. It’s not the most bizarre story I’ve heard of how someone came to be here.
Mae Wilde is one of the ‘local’ lovelies performing at Falls Festival this year, alongside Weird Al Yankovic, Art Vs Science, Peking Duk, The Wombats, Hilltop Hoods, and of course everyone’s favourites, The Wombats.
‘I love Falls Festival most because there are no kids. There are lots of people with very little clothing, and I think that’s wonderful. I particularly like the side boob – (and man, there is a rich vein of side boob at Falls). I do daily judging of side boob of both men and women. It’s full of side boob. Culture, dancing and nudity. That’s what Falls Festival is all about.’
So who is Mae Wilde most looking forward to seeing, or rubbing shoulders with back stage?
‘I love the Wombats – the wombat is my totem spirit guide; like them, I like to bury down in deep holes…’
Provocative, outrageous and able to push buttons you didn’t even know you had, Mae has a lot of surprises in store for her daily performances at this summer festival.
‘Mostly I will be performing my own songs, which are songs written all about my feelings and towards sex. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong friendship as dear daddy said, so I am in love every day – I fall in love with people every day. I am polyamorous.’
And her advice for the patrons?
‘Have loads of fun, look after your genitalia and other people’s genitalia… that’s a jazzy way of saying don’t slide down the hills with no pants on when you’re drunk. Gravel rash is not a good look… on anyone. You don’t want little rocks in your scrotum.
And experiement… if you are attracted to someone who is a little older (like maybe 100) then go for it – you only live twice.’
Mae Wilde, a cabaret singer/songwriter, maverick poet who knows the difference between an AC and a DC current, one of the many über-talented locals you’ll find peppered throughout a stunning national and international program.
For tickets and program information about The Falls Music & Arts Festival, 31 December–3 January go to byron.fallsfestival.com.au.