This Monday at the Byron Community Centre the community are invited to participate in a conversation about domestic violence: I Think You are Just Being Hysterical.
According to recent domestic violence statistics, more than a million Australian women have experienced physical or sexual assault by a partner since the age of 15. In a country of just 24 million, these figures are shocking, and perhaps cause for concerned citizens to be a little ‘Hysterical’.
Issues of community perception around Domestic Violence and the normalisation of discriminatory views of women, were bought to the forefront on ABC’s Q&A earlier this year . When columnist Van Badham stated ‘ …We can make jokes and its all jokes, and yeah (Eddie McGuire) apologised, and that’s fine but on the receiving end is the ludicrous proportion of women who do endure violence’ shock jock Steve Price responded with ‘I think you are being hysterical’. The studio audience gasped, and so did the rest of Australia. What has it come to if our reaction to the murder of women and children in their homes is minimised by media commentators as ‘hysterical’?
It has become clear that domestic violence is an issue that needs to be discussed at a community level. Luke Addinsall is the Team Leader at the Men & Family Centre in Lismore. The centre delivers personal change programs aimed at men who are perpetrating violence against women. It is a pilot 32-week group which is funded by Women NSW.
While men can self-refer, many of the men in the program have been mandated to attend by court. With this being the case, how successful are the programs in actually assisting violent men change their behaviour?
‘It’s pretty much based on willingness,’ says Luke.’Some who are mandated accept responsibility for their behaviour but some don’t. Some self-referred may want to come to the program and want it to be better at home but then do the program and think it hasn’t turned out the way they wanted.’
While this is the case, Luke believes programs such as these play an integral role in focusing on perpetrator change rather than victim change.
‘I have seen remarkable change. That is why I am still here. I see tangible, real change. Of course there are some that don’t’ change at all and escalate their violence. Statistically its hard to gauge but we would estimate that 1/3 of guys have significant change, 1/3 have some change , and 1/3 don’t’ make too many shifts in the short term. ‘
To understand violence, its important to understand some of the key features, like how many perpetrators perceive themselves as ‘victims’ in the situation.
‘Denial is often a key feature or a minimised perspective,’ says Luke about men who perpetuate violence against women,
‘When I talk about DV and what constitutes emotional abuse they get it, those that are willing to engage realise its more complex. Once we talk about power and control and the forms it can take – financial, psychological and emotional – violence is more complex than “I don’t hit my partner.” We look at the impacts of violence – on the kids, partner, on broader family and on them. That is module one. ‘
‘Module two is on self awareness, supporting men to understand cycle of violence, create exit strategies from the cycle of violence by getting understanding around emotion. We have a look at the inner critic and at negative self-talk. And we look at trauma, their own, their children, trauma in the past to their partner and to their partner now.’
‘Module three is about taking responsibility and parenting – there is a fair bit of stuff around beliefs, what are the belief systems that support the way you think what do you wish you had learnt and what sort of man do you want to be? We talk about being a parent and a partner, and supporting boundaries for their partner.’
Luke believes the greatest challenge is looking beyond the individual to the cultural causes of domestic violence – what he calls ‘violence supporting masculinity’. Gender and socially reinforced stereotypes around identity and behaviour play a major role in perpetuating the cycles of violence.
‘We need to examine the things that happen in society that cause men objectify women – to see women as lesser. We need to question ‘hyper masculine culture’.’
One of the questions that is always bought up in forums around domestic violence is what about men? Should this be a gender specific issue. ‘While there is a small number of men who experience domestic violence at the hands of their partners (often men) the number is low,’ says Luke.
Along with issues of housing, homelessness, policing, support services and strategies the forum hopes to address community attitudes that continue to reinforce disrespect of women and gender inequality.
Chaired by Mandy Nolan and also featuring Kellie Young the Safer Pathway Co-ordinator from Northern Rivers Domestic Violence Services , Hayley Foster from Family Law Pathways Network, Domestic Violence Liason Officers Keryn Chisholm and Aboriginal Community Liason Officer Bec Couch and Sarah Walker Housing and Homelessness Manager for OTCP.
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