The drug buses are lurking,
Threatening double demerit points,
For elves who are driving,
After smoking a joint.
Santa’s on the televison,
Selling sugar and guilt,
Bing Crosby’s doing snow somewhere,
While nativity scenes are built.
Parents are panicking,
Credit cards are tired,
Last year’s wrapping has disappeared,
And Daddy’s just got fired.
So this is Xmas,
Presents under the tree,
Sunburn, barbecues,
Arguments with family.
Holidays are here, hooray!
Drink till late, sleep till nine,
Watch the cricket on Boxing Day,
Let the year that’s done unwind.
But wha’s it all for? I ask,
Electric reindeer on the lawn,
Christ has been forgotten,
Hallelujah! Consumption is born.
Religion was just for children,
The commission has shown us,
The poor shall inherit zilch,
The rich bastards now own us.
They have stolen Xmas,
Scanners in their holsters,
But Christians stole it first from pagans,
Who celebrated the solstice.
Yes, I know it’s all a scam,
Jesus would turn in his grave,
Xmas is materialism,
And I its helpless slave.
A year ago, I dared escape,
From the capitalist Xmas trap,
I said: ‘I will rebel. I won’t buy
Any more plastic Xmas crap.’
I felt better (and richer too),
My friends didn’t criticise,
But my resolve was broken,
When tears fell from a young girl’s eyes.
So, this year I’ll rejoin the spree,
Buy gifts for the next generation,
Never again will granddaughter get,
A Sea Shepherd donation.
Funny! Merry Christmas! ?