Instant Family
Pete (Mark Wahlberg) and Ellie (Rose Byrne) are a childless couple who want kids. After seeing some cute photos on an adoption website, Pete agrees to put their names down as prospective foster parents. The agency with which they register explains to them that siblings separated do not fare as well as those who are kept together, so Pete and Ellie agree to adopt Lizzy (Isabela Moner), a spunkette teenager with attitude, her accident prone brother Juan (Gustavo Quiron) and her revolting little sister Lita (Julianna Gaviz) – cue the predictable gags of domestic chaos. For far too long everybody seems to be doing nothing more than reciting their lines, most of which you kicked the end out of your cot laughing at in repeated TV sitcoms. The support group of fellow foster couples are likewise a clichéd collection of types – the god botherers, the gay couple, the single power-dressing blonde etc, while, as convener, Octavia Spencer is thrown into the mix as a sort of black earth mother. The statistic regarding what becomes of those who leave childcare as young adults without finding adoptive parents is alarming, so it is an issue that probably deserves a more serious treatment than what is presented here, especially as there is barely a laugh to be had in what is (presumably) meant to be a comedy. Particularly jarring – almost unwatchable if you are looking to escape the excesses and noise of the Christmas hols – are the scenes in which the little darling Lita throws tanties, unleashing a piercing scream that makes you wish only the worst for her. But just when Pete and Ellie have weathered all the storms and appear to be headed for family bliss, the de-toxed real mother turns up, leading to a court hearing that will determine who should have custody of the kids. Byrne and Wahlberg do their best, but their best is simply not good enough to save this crock. George Harrison’s What Is My Life is the highlight.
