It was a pleasant morning: crisp, and bright. Birds tweeting. People smiling at each other. Buskers doing their thing. Cafes abuzz. This was downtown Mullumbimby on a sunny, spring day.
I was in a great mood until, that is, I got involved in an exchange about the Voice with a rather humourless middle-aged man. Chest out, eyes fixed, he launched straight into a tirade against the campaign, informing me that I was variously ‘ignorant’, ‘ill-informed’, ‘stupid’ and ‘naive’. He further advised me to ‘do your research’, which, I understand, is a common refrain from those in-the-know.
Having been positioned as a gullible type with ‘no idea’ (of what, I’m still not sure), I was given little reprieve from the insistent blasts of weaponised, yet undisclosed knowledge. Initially, I was a little intimidated by the boundless self-confidence and cyclonic verbal conditions.
At the risk of sounding self-righteous, I was reminded of Bertrand Russell’s observation that, ‘The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts’. Not that I was about to offer this pompous insight to the belligerent one.
I kept asking, without success, if he’d mind explaining his thesis to me. Frustrating? You bet.
When I finally decided to pull up stumps by informing my detractor that the exchange was a fizzer, he chastised me for being ‘patronising’ and ‘condescending’. It really was a no-win situation. The whole drama ended with the self-appointed sage storming off in a last-ditch flurry of barely concealed expletives.
High-octane attacks
None of this should come as a surprise to those Mullumites who, circa 2020, got entangled in vaccine and ‘freedom’ conversations. Verbal fisticuffs were commonplace, as were relationship breakdowns.
Some of the town’s denizens were banned from hairdressers and cafes, while others (like yours truly) chose to exile themselves. These were all unpleasant reminders of where differences of thought and opinion can lead.
Disempowerment
But it’s a lot more complicated than that. The personal, high-octane attacks many of us have witnessed are symptomatic of issues wrapped up in personal identity and the sense of political disenchantment and disempowerment.
Peoples’ beliefs are integral to who they are, to how they see themselves in relation to others, and to how they feel the world ought to be. It’s why appeals to ‘rational’ discussion and sense-making fall over so easily.
Given our emotional investment in personal beliefs, we can feel affronted when faced with counter opinion. Our reaction is often visceral, angry. This is as much a function of ego as it is of the beliefs themselves. It’s why, when fronted by radical conspiracy theorists (and I’m talking here of the more florid sort, rather than those that have some foundation in falsifiable assertions) there’s such immediate annoyance and even hostility.
Listen with respect
But where does civility figure in all this? It’s a quaint sounding notion which dinosaurs like me hang on to. In practice, I suppose, it means being able to listen intently and with respect to what another person is saying. It suggests a kind, even compassionate disposition. Easier said than done, of course.
Potential harm
The problem with this approach is that if we know that certain views can cause actual harm in the real world, then listening respectfully becomes very challenging.
I’m ashamed to admit that, on more than one occasion, I have invited people with whom I profoundly disagree to ‘get f******’, or I’ve walked away with a brisk adieu of the ‘whatever’ or ‘get a life’ variety.
These days I’m more inclined to stand there, listen and ask a whole bunch of looping (rather than loopy) questions in the hope that a seed of doubt might be sown.
I employ a heavily diluted version of the Socratic method in an attempt to find some common ground: places where we can begin to listen and talk to and fro. But for this to occur, considerable patience is required. On the other hand, self-care may require me to simply walk away.
That said, and here’s the optimistic finale: I have witnessed many of my friends engage with people in a mutually respectful exchange of ideas, without rancour, sometimes with an agreement to disagree, and very occasionally ending up on the same side.
Kindness, patience and a willingness to listen and engage seem to work wonders in such cases. Better surely, than using mysterious bodies of knowledge to bludgeon one’s detractor.
Long live civility!
For four decades The Echo has printed the stories some people loved, some people hated, and some pretended not to read. If you want us to keep telling the truth, the real truth, not the sugar-coated version. We’ll need your support to keep the presses rolling. 
