Mayor Kobayashi stood among the dignitaries in the park, between the flagpole and a eucalyptus tree, but not getting any shade from either. It was Appreciation Day, and nothing could go wrong.
The Emperor’s picture dominated the scene, as was appropriate, and the school children in their patriotic kimonos were quiet and attentive. The other VIPs were in their plastic chairs, pretending to listen to the speeches. Only one was asleep so far, a fat local industrialist who had helped pay for all this, but he had his sunglasses on, so that was an improvement on last year.
Insects sang in the trees, which was annoying, but then Mr Kobayashi became aware of something else, a murmuring from the back of the crowd. He moved his head slightly to see, and frowned as he saw the cause of the disturbance.
It was the Second Australians, causing trouble as usual. They hadn’t taken any care to dress appropriately for Appreciation Day, but were wearing their usual grubby T-shirts, thongs and towelling hats, with untidy hair sticking out in all directions. One had a made a crude flag containing the cross of their former colonisers. He saw one of their women snigger and jeer, pointing at something on the stage, but was unable to catch the eye of the security detail, who were distracted by their phones, watching the Appreciation Day battle re-enactments beamed in from across the Empire.
We brought them civilisation!
Mr Kobayashi wondered what it would take to make the Second Australians happy. Free beer? Then he remembered the year the council had tried that, and shuddered at the memory.
He thought about the many reforms that had been brought in since the war. They were allowed to speak their own language now, as long as the children learned Japanese as well. They were allowed to inter-marry without a certificate from the central authority. They could earn their own money, even rent land. And then the greatest concession, the country’s name, returned to Australia. Perhaps all these gestures of kindness and conciliation had simply made the Second Australians harder to control?
The younger ones had no respect for anyone, or anything, it seemed. He watched as one picked his nose, examined it, then flicked it into the hair of his sister. What was wrong with these people?
After the main ceremony, there would be a side event with special catering for the Second Australians, where they could eat the burned meat they liked with sugary red sauce, and listen to their tuneless music. Council was paying for it, and Mr Kobayashi had been among the votes of approval for the decision, but now he regretted it. Maybe it would be better if nothing was done to lure them in to participate?
They should be grateful
Then his attention was captured by a tiny tot, a very young Second Australian with blue eyes who was coming up to the stage to collect some kind of award. He had to admit they could be charming when they were very young. Well, some of them at least.
Mr Kobayashi caught the eye of a very elderly veteran of the war, who had only one arm and was in a wheelchair. He remembered his own grandfather, who had died in the assault on Darwin after crossing New Guinea from the north. He remembered his uncle, who had been in the submarine corps that had liberated Sydney with barely a shot.
He remembered the miraculous bombs that had ended the war, destroying London, New York and Washington. Ah well, you can’t make okonomiyaki without breaking eggs, and nothing like that had happened here anyway. The cities had been left mostly intact, and most of the civilian population had been unharmed, in a smooth transfer of power.
Food, flower arranging and vending machines
Now they had decent food, flower arranging, vending machines for everything, and bullet trains. What had the Second Australians ever achieved by comparison?
Mr Kobayashi knew his history. When the Second Australians first arrived in this country, they killed most of the people, along with the trees and native animals. They covered the continent with rabbits and sheep, turning even more of it into desert, then wasted their time watching horses run in circles. Such idiotic people didn’t deserve a country of their own. It had all been a mistake, and the Empire had corrected it.
As sweat dribbled down his collar, Mayor Kobayashi thought of the many sacrifices that had been necessary to improve the lot of the Second Australians.
Why were they so unappreciative?
Brilliant. But I wonder if it’s too subtle for 61% of the population?
The 61% including myself found it a laugh
Then you obviously didn’t get it!
Too clever as usual, but similarly divisive.
(Quote) …’they killed most of the people, along with the trees and native animals.’
Yeah – right.
[Can’t wait for your usual Australia Day’s rant, David !]
He definitely has a radical agenda.
Ouch!
Very cleverly written.
White People invented bullet trains, and we were more advanced than the Japanese, so they really had nothing to offer us – And of course, we conquered them. If aliens invaded us and provided the benefits of Star Trek like technology, chances are that White People would adopt their language, culture, and interbreed with them. The English language is so disjointed due to us having done this so many times before eg Angles, Saxons, Normans, Celts, Vikings, Picts. We love novelty, and we incorporate the best. The Japanese, for over a century, have strived to be more like us.
Australians didn’t invent bullet trains – we still haven’t managed to implement just one. And the Americans conquered them, not Australians. This isn’t about what colour did what, it’s about a different perspective on invasion and dispossession. No need to see everything through the prism of race.
I think you’re right Ross – it is a bit subtle.
Are Australians are the only White People?
Australia was not in WW2?
The entire article is about seeing things through the prism of race, and comparing British/Aboriginals in 1788, to Japan/Australia in 1945, is beyond apples and oranges. The Japanese were still trying to catch up to us by copying or technology, Aboriginals were literally stone-age. The Japanese have had massive benefits from our 80-year occupation and westernisation of them. The Aboriginals should take note.
No, not all Australians are white people. To me this piece is about an invitation to imagine what it would be like to be living quite contentedly in what you viewed as your homeland, with your own culture and loyalties and to be pushed aside by a successful takeover. That’s all. It’s not debating some irrelevant notions of racial superiority/inferiority, which seems to be your main preoccupation.
Australia was in WW2 but wouldn’t not have had a snowball’s chance against the Japanese ( we had already largely been written off by the Brits who had different priorities) without the US.
We – whoever we are – didn’t colonise Japan
If the people that wrote your Constitution have 120 military bases in your country, and an active military presence a quarter the size of your own military, but nuclear armed, I’m sure they have no say over what you do. They’re just very friendly. They have also been friendly that way with the Germans for the last 80 years. Very friendly, those US military forces.
How come the super aryans lost?
Because they didn’t live on an island. May I suggest reading ‘Foundations of Geopolitics by Aleksandr Dugin ‘
Who is “our” and when was “our 80-year occupation and westernisation” of Japan?
Al Jazeera: “With 120 active bases, Japan has the highest number of US bases in the world followed by Germany with 119 and South Korea with 73.”
Global Post: “Japan compensates 75% ($4.4 billion) of U.S. basing costs.”
Formation of a strategic alliance is not colonisation. Don’t lose track of where you were going. Are the bases part of the “massive benefits” gained?
Hideo Shima invented the Bullet Train. Japanese chap. Never let the facts get in the way of a dodgy rant!
Bullet train is a slang term for a train that travels faster than 200km per hour. White People had already done that, with steam trains! Also, we had already invented the technology for bullet trains with no wheels at all, and were the first to deploy them, but high speed trains don’t make financial sense in our countries. wiki: “High-speed rail in Australia”
1903-10-06 Siemens & Halske Experimental three-phase railcar, Triphase Electric, 203 km/h.
1938-03-07 LNER Class A4 4468 Mallard, STEAM, 202.58 km/h
dangan ressha
Japanese words referring to the bullet shape of early bullet trains. Nothing about travelling at over 200 klm or white man slang.
Don’t just regurgitate stuff you may have thought or heard or imagined.
China’s Bullet Trains have top speeds between 200-350 kph. The 200+ definition is an international engineering convention. The official term is ‘High Speed Rail’.
“LNER Class A4 4468 Mallard: This is the FASTEST steam locomotive ever built, thanks to its aerodynamic body which resembles that of today’s high speed bullet trains (the Mallard could be considered the first bullet train.)” – Top speed 203 kph – Built in 1938, by Anglo-Celtic People.
The Japanese words 弾丸列車 mean ‘Bullet’ and ‘Train’ respectively. That shape is known as a Tangent Ogive, and was first used in the 1800s for the newly (White Man) invented supersonic bullet. The first reference to the shape was in the 13th by Villard de Honnecourt, from Picardy in northern France. The name is derived from Middle English oggif stone comprising an arch, from Middle French augive, ogive diagonal arch.
We do have unique geography and demographics, but many would argue with you about the economic case for a VFF.
Here’s an ABC documentary outlining all the problems that make it economically impossible. youtube: ‘Is A High-Speed Rail Possible In Australia? | Utopia’
Christian, who were the “White People” who invented bullet trains?
With wheels or hovering? Electric, diesel, or steam? We did all of it first.
Who the 🤬 is we, and of what relevance is it to what this narrative challenges the reader to consider?
Great satire David.
Incendiary
Agreed.
Petty racial poking.
If the boot was on the other foot…?
A really thought provoking piece of writing David – controlled, sustained and deft. Great touches like the flag of their “former colonisers”, bullet trains and sugary sauce. The view of bogan behaviour through the lens of the disciplined, restrained and polite Japanese.
I think this must be the style of writing that is your forte.
If you think stereotyping is funny, I have some really good ‘Aboriginal’ and Jap jokes for you! Or are you a hypocrite?
I didn’t say it was funny. And you haven’t thought that it might be satirising the stereotyping?
I wouldn’t be surprised if this has hit some raw nerves out there!
Ask an Iranian. youtube: ‘White Men Made Everything! (The London Gig) | Nicholas De Santo’
Let’s just face it Christian the more you comment the sillier it gets in displaying that you don’t understand satire.
I understand why polling apparently shows that the No vote would be higher today than it was on referendum day. Do you?
I think Christian may be on the way out. His kind of nonsense here is unsustainable.
61% sustainable and rising. We are the counter-culture now.
The idea of ‘second Australians ‘ is why the Voice failed.. Its impossible to correct one historical wrong with another.
To define people primarily by their skin pigmentation is a very strange thing to do
We are more like ‘forth Australians’, as far as Homo sapiens are concerned. If you include older species, we are possibly fifth, but we are definitely not second. Wonder what the writer considers all the black and brown people that just showed up?
For the purposes of this piece, the term “second Australians” would appear to refer to the non indigenous population who were here and called themselves Australians before a hypothetical Japanese victory in WW 2. Did you miss the point perhaps, Sujay?
And these second Australians at the time of a hypothetical Japanese victory in WW2 would have been predominately white due to the white Australian policy.
Primarily, the complainers were only 5% White, or were fully blood Japanese pretending to be White for government grants. The famous scam artist Burūsu Pasukō even pretended that the Whites had interstellar travel based on some rocks and sticks he found. He made a lot of money from the book he sold about it. Of course, the Japanese would have had to bring us such miracles as interstellar travel, and a machine that fixes all medical problem, for this parable to work. Bringing us things made of technologies we ourselves invented, would not get any appreciation day, in fact, we would have been able to overthrown them in less than 80 years. Ask the Romans.
There wouldn’t have been many “new Australians” there?
It’s amusing observing the major preoccupations in many of these replies: who invented what, whether the first “Australians” were really first and therefore whether the second Aussies would have been, third fourth fifth or …, who had the better military’s and strategies etc etc.
I can’t work out whether this represents a total incapacity to see beyond the literal and appreciate literary device or just raw nerves galore.
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